If You’ve Found A Nerd, Congratulations!

quinta-feira, fevereiro 25, 2016

If You’ve Found A Nerd, Congratulations!

My seventeen year old step-daughter has been in a deep relationship with a Nerd for nearly two years. He’s a nice kid, gangly, polite, and obviously deeply introspective. I like him.

“What”, I asked her, “is the attraction to your Nerd? He seems a little dull.” Her reply was both poised and nuanced.

“You just don’t understand him, but if you took the time to get to know him, you’d see he just sees the world differently. I like that in a guy. And he’s smart.” At this point I realized I needed to learn more. What exactly is it about Nerds that makes them so lovable?

Nerds Make you Laugh

Having a bad day? Nerds have a warped and twisted sense of humor that can turn the darkest moment around. Their jokes are drawn from the perspective of the outsider, a lens can turn even ordinary events into comedy.

You can find lots of great nerd jokes on reddit or many other web sites. Here’s a classic joke that Nerds enjoy: Descartes is sitting at a bar. The bartender comes over and asks, “Can I get you a drink?” To which Descartes replies, “I think not” and promptly disappears in a puff of logic.

You can be yourself

Sometimes we all feel like imposters in our own skin. Say that cute girl walks by, and suddenly you’ve wondering what your boyfriend sees in you. If he’s a Nerd, he’s with you because he loves the person that you are, and while that other girl may get a look, that’s all she’s getting.

While I didn’t probe this sensitive issue with my step-daughter, I took a poll among my Nerd-enabled friends about what they thought of their nerd as a lover. The answers were overwhelmingly positive. Nerds think about their partner’s needs and can be amazingly adventurous when they come out of their shell.

You can have real conversations

Let’s face it, some relationships are not so much about the talking as the… umm… moving. When you finally tire of ecstatic sex it’s nice to be able to look over and have your partner say something more than “babe, that was like totally awesome”.

I think Carl Sagan put it best when he said:

“It’s a lazy Saturday afternoon, there’s a couple lying naked in bed reading Encyclopedia Britannica to each other, and arguing about whether the Andromeda Galaxy is more ‘numinous’ than the Resurrection. Do they know how to have a good time, or don’t they?”

Eventually we all crave communication, we need to be loved and to be told we are loved. Nerds can do this, and still expand upon the imminent collapse of humanity due to the Hadron Collider. What’s not to like?

You can learn new things!

A Nerd knows stuff. They get math, physics, computers, as well as the arts and music, and a wide variety of other topics. They are the renaissance people of our time. Who else will give you an impromptu lecture on Chinese pottery of the 4th century or a review of how copper wire is made and then cook you an enjoyable dinner?

Living with your Nerd can only make you smarter; it’s like having a permanent tutor!

Quaffable Beverages are always a priority

For those of us who are addicted to the mood altering juices of life having access to a Nerd is a godsend. Starbucks will never satisfy a true Nerd. Instead they seek out local single origin beans that have been roasted at precise temperatures and burr ground into a perfect powder. As the water heats they zap the surface with an infrared thermometer to get a precise read and then carefully, oh so carefully, decant the sacred liquid into appropriate vessels.

If stimulants aren’t your thing, consider a brewing Nerd. They are connoisseurs of craft beer who understand the finer points of mash and fermentation, as well as keeping an encyclopedic knowledge of all the locally available brews. Chances are they have a pretty well stocked cellar to boot!