Sugar-Glazed Poison: Why Sugary Drinks Are Linked To High Death Tolls

We all know that sugary drinks are bad for us. In fact, you can’t go a day without hearing or seeing something stating that sodas are unhealthy.

That said, do we really understand just how much these kinds of beverages are negatively affecting our health? The answer is no, as despite the fact that 184,000 deaths a year are linked to them, sugary drinks are as popular as ever.

The root of the problem is the sugar itself, which can cause a number of maladies and diseases when consumed in high amounts on a daily basis. Which of these do you have to worry about the most? Well, in my mind, sugary drinks should be avoided because…

1. They increase your risk of acquiring diabetes.

This one should come as no surprise. With the rise in popularity of sugary drinks, more and more people are at risk of acquiring diabetes. Indeed, researchers believe that around 133,000 diabetes-related deaths a year are caused by over-consumption of sodas and other sugar-laden beverages.

2. They can heighten your blood pressure.

Overloading your system with sugar has been known to spike blood pressure numbers, in part because sugar consumption is one of the major contributing factors to weight gain.

Why does this matter? Well, the CDC estimates that nearly 360,000 American deaths a year can be attributed in part to high blood pressure. While high blood pressure doesn’t sound as dangerous as diabetes, it’s perhaps even more deadly overall.

3. They can ruin your liver.

Most folks know that consuming lots of alcohol will damage your liver in the long run, but few realize that sugary drinks can do the exact same thing.

If you abuse your body with too much sugar over a lengthy period of time, your liver will become insulin resistant, which will lead to several other maladies, including diabetes.

And to make matters worse, it leaves you susceptible to liver disease, which is responsible for nearly 40,000 deaths a year.

4. They leave you vulnerable to cancer.

While sugar isn’t directly linked to cancer, weight gain linked to sugar consumption is.

Of all of the yearly deaths to cancer, researchers in 2010 found that 6,450 of them were a direct result of people’s intake of sugary beverages.

In this day and age, it’s probably a good idea to cut out all of the things that are heavily linked to cancer, especially since it seems like there are so many ways to increase your risk of acquiring it already.

5. They hurt your heart.

Each year, 45,000 cardiovascular disease-related deaths are linked directly to the consumption of sugary drinks.

What’s the connection, you ask? Well, the main one is that an above-average intake of sugar is directly linked to weight gain. And being overweight increases your risk of acquiring heart disease by an exponential amount.

For your own good, it’s best to do all you can to stave off heart disease, as it’s responsible for a quarter of all deaths in the United States every year.

So in some ways that “45,000” number referenced above is slightly misleading, as the true number of folks who succumb to cardiovascular disease is closer to 610,000 a year. While only a fraction of those were directly linked to sugary drinks, there’s no doubt that they probably played some kind of role in the majority of those deaths.

6. They clog your brain.

And I don’t mean in a metaphorical sense, either. Studies have shown that having high blood sugar greatly increases your chance of dying as a result of a stroke. That same study revealed that those with normal sugar levels had a much higher chance of surviving a stroke, should they have one.

Why is this? Well, excess sugar intake causes lactic acid to build up in your brain, which inhibits the flow of blood, causing a stroke. Therefore, having a stroke whilst also having high blood sugar is a bit of a double whammy…not only does a part of your brain lose access to normal blood flow, but it’s harder for those passageways to reopen after the fact, thus increasing the mortality rate compared to those with normal blood sugar.

This is important, because although nearly 800,000 people in the U.S. have a stroke each year, only 130,000 lead to deaths. Limiting your intake of sugary drinks is therefore crucial if you want to better your chances of pulling through after something so traumatic.

Conclusions

You should now know that, not only are sugary drinks bad for you, but they’re directly linked to several of the top causes of death in the world. While you shouldn’t feel bad about treating yourself once in a while, just make sure that it doesn’t become a bad habit! The consequences just aren’t worth it.

Did this article make you want to chance your diet, at least in regard to your intake of sugary drinks? Sound off in the comments below!

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10 Email Etiquette Tips To Build Your Professional Image

In my daily work as an academic advisor in higher education, a large percentage of my professional communication is composed via email correspondence. Though it is a part of daily routine, email correspondence from students who are training to enter the work world as competent professionals are often littered with barriers to effective communication.

Whether you are a student making the leap to the “real world,” applying for jobs, or a new professional, what can you do to project a more polished image?  Start by considering these 10 common pitfalls in professional email etiquette, and learn how each may be damaging your professional image.

1. Know when email is appropriate. Is great detail or explanation required? Can tone be easily misconstrued? Is the subject matter time sensitive? If the answer is yes to any of the previous questions, email may not be the appropriate venue. However, if you are contacting someone who is difficult to reach in person or by phone, asking a simple question, or providing informational items, email is probably most appropriate.
2. Don’t assume the recipient knows you. Especially if the email is your first contact with the individual, or the recipient will be receiving a high volume of emails, don’t assume they know you. I may be the only person by my name who is an advisor at my institution, but there may be dozens of similar first names in the hundreds of students I have contact with each semester. This problem is compounded when the institutional email or an email without identifying information (like allstar29@mail.com) is used. Refrain from any use of a personal email address if an institutional or business email is provided. If a personal email must be used, keep it clean and practical (joesmith@mail.com).
3. Don’t assume the recipient knows all the details. “I need to drop that class,” is a common email request I will receive. Certainly worth honoring, but such a request is inherent with an entire host of issues. Namely the absence of key details. Whose class am I dropping? Which class? This goes for any form of professional communication. Take the time to provide as much detail as possible on the front end. This will eliminate time and effort taken later in the “back and forth”, and convey that you are organized and pay attention to detail.
4. Include full contact information. Consistent with your professional image, be sure and sign off with not only your full name, but also any contact information that may be helpful for the recipient in getting back in touch with you. The content of some emails may be involve a request to contact you by phone or through another form of communication.
5. Don’t use text speak. Just because you may be composing the email on a mobile device or tablet, does not mean it is professional to use “text speak” in a professional email, ever. When you are composing emails from these devices, it is imperative to proofread before hitting send, as most now contain predictive text technology that may incorrectly finish words and change the message or tone entirely.
6. Forget about backgrounds, crazy fonts, and colors. Keep it black and white, and simple. Extra colors and backgrounds only serve to make it more difficult to the reader, and make them less likely to respond or take the email seriously as professional communication – especially in an age where scams are prominent. Fonts that are not standard are distracting, hard to read, and make you come across as silly.
7. Use “out of office” correctly. This can be an important feature in email, especially if you are planning to be away for any extended period of time outside of normal anticipated working hours. Rather than just say you are away, include alternative contacts so those who are trying to contact you can still conduct business if needed. Use it with discretion though. I once had a student who had their email set full-time to auto-reply with “I will consider your message and respond accordingly.” He would then never reply. You can only cry wolf so many times.
8. Beware of auto-fill. I often receive emails not intended for me because of this very issue. Most email systems will begin to generate options to auto-fill the “To:” field as you begin typing the address, based on previous emails you’ve sent to. Be sure to read these options carefully, and review before clicking send. It may be the difference between sending an email to your wife or the President. You don’t need to be told these are entirely different audiences.
9. Don’t say things you wouldn’t say in person. Some of the more intriguing email exchanges I’ve experienced include those from individuals who will display more aggression or unprofessionalism in an email, but will never correspond that way in person. Don’t act in a way or say things that you wouldn’t normally in conversation. First of all, it won’t do you any favors in getting a response, and second, it may damage your rapport with that person in the flesh.
10. When in doubt, err on the formal side. Using “Mr.” or “Ms.”, or the full first name instead of assuming a shorter form should always be done in cases in which you are unsure. When applying for a job, stick with the formal “To Whom It May Concern”. As communication progresses, certain formalities may be dropped, but initiating contact informally sets the bar below a professional standard.

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Good News for Hair Color Aficionados: 9 Tips to Save Your Hair

We all Strive for that perfect hairstyle—flawless, shiny, and healthy. Unfortunately, sometimes saying, “I woke up like this” relates to a disastrously damaged hair and definitely not that messy, cute, and sexy hairstyle we often see on Pinterest, accompanied by a cup of coffee and an inspirational quote.

I’ve dyed my hair numerous times. I’ve been raven black, hot red, pale golden blonde, and everything in between. In my teenage years, my hair has been in pretty much every color that there’s in the rainbow palette. And despite my enthusiasm, I had to take the consequences of that hair-dyeing journey.

After many years of dyeing my hair, I can now share how I managed to bring it back to life again.

The dyed and damaged hair is frizzy, dry, and hardly has a beautiful shape. Often worsened by the extensive use of heat, it loses its natural moisture and is hard to recover. Here are some tips that will help you get back that healthy hair glam we all strive to achieve.

1. Moisture, moisture, moisture

The healthy hair strand is built of three separate layers. The outer one, which holds the cuticle, is the one that suffers the most when you choose to dye your hair. Be sure to use natural oils a few days prior to the dyeing process. This will strengthen your hair and will help you attain the shiny effect right after. You can go for either high-quality oil hair treatment products, or a super cheap, but yet effective enough alternative, which you probably have in your kitchen already—extra virgin olive oil. It also has a great effect when treating dandruff. More hair mask ideas here.

2. Trim the edges.

It might seem obvious, but sometimes the hair looks and feels damaged due to its length and fuzzy ends. Trimming the ends will give your scalp a break, taking off some of the excess weight. You will be able to see the result almost immediately. The natural oils will spread even on the remaining strands, which will bring back the essential shine.

3. Choose a proper hair treatment.

Determining which products are effective on your hair, depending on its texture, length and color, will most certainly boost the repairing process. To keep the dye looking fresh for as long as possible, look around the shampoo and conditioner aisle for a product that corresponds well with your current hair’s condition.

Is it thin? Is it dry? Does it have dandruff? Most cosmetic companies have already come up with a series of products that naturally complement each other. These include a shampoo, conditioner, hair mask, oils, hair sprays, and more.

Look around for products that include argan oil. Don’t wash your hair with shampoo too frequently, as it strips away the natural oils from your scalp. If you feel you need to freshen up, there are plenty of dry shampoo alternatives. Ask your stylist for a good quality product line or go more budget-friendly and ask your friends. Either way, the best recommendation is the one that comes from a personal experience.

4. Change your hair dye.

Each time you dye your hair, you cause it either major or minor damage. That’s just the way hair dye works. Choose a brand that works less aggressively towards achieving the final result, or one that works with a bond builder. If you’re striving for a lighter color, like silver or platinum blonde, choose the longer, but safer step-by-step approach. This way you will let your hair and scalp adjust to the changes.

Bonus tip: look for hair dye and hair treatment products that do not include silicone dimethicone. Despite its broad use, this ingredient is likely to attract dirt, which brings the feeling of heaviness on your scalp.

5. Detangle carefully.

Due to its destroyed healthy layering, the damaged dyed hair is often fuzzy and dry. This may lead to extreme cases of tangling. Be sure to take your time and use a proper product to help detangle any thatched hair strands. You can either go for a specialized product for untangling, or use the good old extra virgin olive oil. Either way, make sure you avoid rending.

Bonus tip: if your hair is curly or easy to tangle, try the dry finger technique. That way you can easily locate any knots before brushing your hair with a comb, while it’s being conditioned.

6. Clean the air.

The smoke particles, dust, dirt and other air contaminants around you will inevitably end up in your hair. It is probably impossible to avoid going outdoors altogether, but you can at least purify your indoor environment with an air purifier for dust. Your lungs and body will thank you for it too.

7. Rinse with cold water.

Try to rinse your hair with cooler water. This helps to seal the moisture and gives a natural shine. The only con (probably other than the feeling of discomfort if you don’t like cold showers) is that it flattens the hair a little.

8. Bring in the brushes!

Sometimes the small change makes a big difference. When choosing a proper hairbrush, go for one that has a combination of 50% synthetic and 50% boar bristles. This hairbrush type will easily spread the oils and naturally soften the hair.

You can also go with 100% boar bristles. Give it a try on a small section on your hair beforehand. The final effect depends on the spacing between the bristles. Used incorrectly, that type of hairbrush can cause more damage to the already tainted hair.

A great way to determine which is the perfect brush for you, is to ask your hairstylist. As a professional, each stylist uses expensive and fine quality tools, but will sure give you directions when choosing a less expensive alternative.

9. Give it a break.

Hair dye, drying, straightening, curling, styling products—all these factors often aid for additional hair damage. Give both your hair and your scalp a good break. Try avoiding any heat and go for a simple hairstyle, that does not require a lot of styling products. Leave your hair to dry out naturally and don’t forget your hat while it’s summer outside!

Hope these tips will help you save your hair. Looking forward to that glossy Pinterest hair photo.

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10 Habits Of Manipulative People

It can be hard to detect whether someone is manipulative upon first meeting them. Unfortunately, their selfish nature often goes unnoticed until you’ve become too involved in their lives to simply cut and run. Once they’ve gotten close to you, these Machiavellian schemers will do anything it takes to keep you around, all for the sake of using you in one way or another. Perhaps the worst part of being stuck in a manipulative friendship is it makes you doubt the genuineness of others, which can mean constantly second-guessing other relationships.

If you have a “friend” who exhibits the following traits, you should try to cut them out of your life as soon as possible.

1. They play innocent

Manipulators have a way of playing around with the truth to portray themselves as the victim. I once had a “friend” who would regularly make me feel bad for not spotting him five bucks to buy a pack of cigarettes—even though I detest smoking. Looking back on those days, I realize I was being used. He made me feel like a bad friend for not lending him money to support a disgusting habit, when in actuality he was the bad friend for even asking for the money in the first place.

2. They play dumb

Manipulative people will drain the energy of everyone around them by looking to their friends for help, only to go ahead and do whatever they want anyway. When their friends call them out on it, they’ll be ready with excuse after excuse. “It’s my life, I’ll do what I want,” or “Let me make my own mistakes.” That’s totally fine if that’s how they choose to live, but they shouldn’t solicit advice if they don’t want to hear the truth. It’s a waste of the other person’s time and energy, and can damage their confidence in the value of the advice they give.

3. They rationalize their behavior

Along with not taking their friends’ advice, manipulative people make their negative behavior seem like the only option. They make it seem to you that they made the right decision, even though you know better from an objective point of view. They often seek to “win” arguments, rather than coming to a consensus with the other party. The implication here is that they weren’t truly listening to what you had to say at all. They were just waiting for you to finish so they could offer a rebuttal, regardless of how sound your advice was.

4. They change the subject often

Since manipulative people only really care about themselves, they ultimately will steer conversation toward their own needs any chance they get. They’ll do this especially when they know they’re wrong about something but don’t want to admit it. So, instead of validating the other person’s opinion, they’ll just change the subject to something innocuous or otherwise unrelated to the previous topic. This helps them avoid the truth in a roundabout way that’s fairly unnoticeable to others.

5. They tell half-truths

Manipulative people tend to mold the truth to their advantage. They’ll often hide information that they know will expose them as liars, acting as if this is somehow better than telling a straight-out lie. Manipulators approach all interactions as if they’re in a court of law, where what they say can be used against them. By acting in this way, they can honestly say “I never said that.” Yes, you technically never did say that, but the way you skirted the truth wasn’t exactly right.

6. They induce guilt

Along with claiming innocence, manipulative people also make others feel guilty. There may be times in relationships where you’ll find you simply don’t have the time or energy to deal with certain situations, and the manipulative person will make you feel like you’re “not there for him.” They may even get you to put your own well-being on the back-burner so they’ll have somebody to complain to and seek advice from (advice which they may not heed, anyway).

7. They insult others

Manipulators are rude and abrasive by nature. All true friends can feel comfortable messing with each other by poking fun innocuously, but manipulative people go way overboard with the jabs and insults. They do this in social situations to inconspicuously undermine others and establish a sense of dominance. Manipulators never got over that high-school mentality, where it was “cool” to make fun of others and make them feel small by using nothing but their words.

8. They bully others

Manipulative people are bullies. This goes beyond insults and often involves alienation and the spreading of rumors. Again, this is childish behavior, but it is often exhibited by immature, manipulative adults. Actions such as ignoring certain people in a group, not letting them voice their opinions, or leaving them behind are some of the more “adult” ways to bully. Manipulators will use these methods to establish dominance. In truth, these people are incredibly self-conscious and have low self-esteem, and will hurt anyone around them in order to feel better about themselves.

9. They minimize their behavior

Manipulators make it seem like their words and deeds are “not that big a deal.” Ironically, most of the time it’s them who has made a big deal about things. That is, until they hear something they don’t like and turn the tables on the other party. They clearly don’t show any empathy for the people who have spent valuable time and energy trying to help them, and instead shift the blame onto everyone else. They know they have a problem, but they make it seem like it’s the world that’s out to get them and not the other way around.

10. They blame others

As I said, manipulators shift blame constantly. They skate through life without taking any sort of responsibility for their actions. They either flat out don’t admit they did anything wrong, or they have some explanation to make their actions sound reasonable given the circumstances. Manipulative people simply don’t live by any code of ethics, and when it catches up with them, they’ll point the finger anywhere else except for at themselves.

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Every 20-Something, Be Careful! 7 Beliefs Held By You Aren’t True

Now that I’m about a month and a half into my thirties, I I truly feel like I know everything there is to know about life.

Okay, that’s not true in the slightest. Ironically, as I get older, I realize I know much less about the world than I thought I did the previous year. While a person’s twenties are full of “firsts” in the adult world, there’s still so much to learn about the world, and life in general. If I could go back to my 19-year-old self and prepare him for what’s to come, I would have started by letting him know the following notions simply are not true:

1. Everyone has to like you

Maybe it comes from a youthful sense of entitlement, but many 20-somethings feel as if everyone has to like them. Which is incredibly ironic, because they just graduated from high school a few years ago, a place and time in which nobody really liked anybody. All kidding aside, if you live your life trying to please everyone and make them approve of you, you’ll drive yourself nuts. It might be hard to believe, but some people might actually not like you. But that’s okay. The only thing you can do about it is be as nice as you can to everyone you meet. If someone treats you like garbage in spite of all the nice things you’ve done for them, that’s only a reflection on them. If you react negatively to their detrimental behavior, that’s on you.

2. Your mistakes will ruin you

Life in general is just one learning experience after another. Everybody makes mistakes. Making a mistake in life is okay, as long as you learn from it and improve upon yourself. If you continue to make the same mistake time and again, they stop being mistakes, and start defining who you are. The saying goes, “It’s never too late to change.” While that is true, there are consequences that come with waiting too long. If you find you’ve started to stray from the path you know you should be on, make the adjustments right away before it becomes to difficult to right the wrongs you’ve made in life.

3. Good college grades will lead to success

Here’s a joke for you: What do you call the person who finished last in med school? Doctor! When you get into the real world, nobody will care that you had the highest GPA in your graduating class. Your employers will only care about how you plan on putting your knowledge into action in order to help their company. I’m not saying you shouldn’t focus on your studies in college; I’m saying you should focus on actually learning and not just “making the grade.” Once you’re out of school, those letters on your transcript become meaningless. Your work, networking, and life skills are what will get you far in life.

4. Getting rejected after a job interview means you failed

Not getting a call back after an interview can be incredibly disheartening. You spent so much time researching the company, the position you were interviewing for, and the questions you knew they’d ask. You thought you nailed it. But you didn’t even make it past the initial round of callbacks. It hurts. But it doesn’t mean you’re not good enough for the job, or that you’re a complete failure. Look at the interview as a learning experience. Think of the times you weren’t sure of an answer, or ways you could have been better prepared to begin with. Keep these shortcomings in mind and focus on strengthening them the next time you get invited in for an interview. Also, be sure to keep yourself on the radar of any company that passed you over; you never know when another position will open up and you’ll get a second shot.

5. Your health can wait

When you’re young, you feel like you can skip the healthy breakfasts, stay out all night partying, and hit the gym only when the mood strikes you. As you get older, you’ll see these decisions catching up with you almost immediately. Maintaining a healthy lifestyle today reduces your risk of serious illness and disease later in life. You should start a healthy gym routine in your twenties, and carry it with you throughout the rest of your life. Living healthy at forty will be a lot easier if you’ve been living healthy for the past twenty years. Getting healthy when your forty is a whole different story.

6. You need to know what you want to do with your life

Most adults I know have had at least two different long-term careers since their twenties. With the world constantly evolving as it is, experts say this trend will continue to the point that some of us will change careers every decade or so. And really, what’s wrong with that? I’m definitely not the same person I was ten years ago. At 21, I didn’t have a wife, still lived at home while working and going to school, and thought I would be on a completely different path than I’m on now. At 30, my main focus is on starting a family. My career is no longer the main focus of my life, and I’m perfectly fine with that. It’s okay to switch it up if you’re unhappy. As Led Zeppelin famously said, “There’s still time to change the road you’re on.”

7. You need to be in complete control in your life

I’m not saying you shouldn’t have a five-year plan, or should just drift through life without a care in the world. But you can’t control everything. Things will happen that will derail your plans, and when they do you’ll either have to get back on track, or start down a new path. Learn to be okay with such organized chaos. Be flexible when plans change. It’s the people who shut down when things go wrong that fall short of being where they want to be. Trust yourself that you can navigate your life to the best of your ability, along the smooth roads and the bumpy.

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How Smart People Deal With People They Don’t Like

In a perfect world, each person we interact with would be nice, kind, considerate, mindful, generous, and more. They would get our jokes and we would get their’s. We would all thrive in a convivial atmosphere where no one was ever cross, upset, or maligned.

However, we don’t live in a perfect world. Some people drive us crazy, and we (admittedly) drive a few mad as well. Those we dislike are inconsiderate, rushed, malign our character, question our motives, or just don’t get our jokes at all — but expect us to laugh at all their’s.

You might wonder whether it is possible to be fair to someone who ruffles you all the time, or someone you’d rather avoid eating lunch with. You might wonder if you should learn to like every person you meet.

According to Robert Sutton (a professor of management science at Stanford University), it’s neither possible — nor even ideal — to build a team comprised entirely of people you’d invite to a backyard barbecue.

That’s why smart people make the most out of people they don’t like. Here’s how they do it.

1. They accept that they are not going to like everyone.

Sometimes we get caught in the trap of thinking that we are nice people. We think that we are going to like everyone we interact with — even when that’s not going to happen. It’s inevitable you will encounter difficult people who oppose what you think. Smart people know this. They also recognize that conflicts or disagreements are a result of differences in values.

That person you don’t like is not intrinsically a bad human. The reason you don’t get along is because you have different values, and that difference creates judgment. Once you accept that not everyone will like you, and you won’t like everyone because of a difference in values, the realization can take the emotion out of the situation. That may even result in getting along better by agreeing to disagree.

2. They bear with (not ignore or dismiss) those they don’t like.

Sure, you may cringe at his constant criticism, grit your teeth at her lousy jokes, or shake your head at the way he hovers around her all the time, but feeling less than affectionate to someone might not be the worst thing. “From a performance standpoint, liking the people you manage too much is a bigger problem than liking them too little,” says Sutton.

“You need people who have different points of view and aren’t afraid to argue,” Sutton adds. “They are the kind of people who stop the organization from doing stupid things.” It may not be easy, but bear with them. It is often those who challenge or provoke us that prompt us to new insights and help propel the group to success. Remember, you are not perfect either, yet people still tolerate you.

3. They treat those they don’t like with civility.

Whatever your feelings are for someone, that person will be highly attuned to your attitude and behavior, and will likely reflect it back to you. If you are rude to them, they will likely throw away all decorum and be rude to you too. The onus; therefore, is on you to remain fair, impartial, and composed.

“Cultivating a diplomatic poker face is important. You need to be able to come across as professional and positive,” says Ben Dattner, an organizational psychologist and author of The Blame Game. This way you won’t stoop to their level or be sucked into acting the way they do.

4. They check their own expectations.

It’s not uncommon for people to have unrealistic expectations about others. We may expect others to act exactly as we would, or say the things that we might say in a certain situation. However, that’s not realistic. “People have ingrained personality traits that are going to largely determine how they react,” says Alan A. Cavaiola, PhD (psychology professor at Monmouth University in West Long Branch, New Jersey). “Expecting others to do as you would do is setting yourself up for disappointment and frustration.”

If a person causes you to feel exactly the same way every time, adjust your expectations appropriately. This way you’ll be psychologically prepared and their behavior will not catch you by surprise. Smart people do this all the time. They’re not always surprised by a dis-likable person’s behavior.

5. They turn inwards and focus on themselves.

No matter what you try, some people can still really get under our skin. It’s important that you learn how to handle your frustration when dealing with someone who annoys you. Instead of thinking about how irritating that person is, focus on why you are reacting the way you are. Sometimes what we don’t like in others is frequently what we don’t like in ourselves. Besides, they didn’t create the button, they’re only pushing it.

Pinpoint the triggers that might be complicating your feelings. You may then be able to anticipate, soften, or even alter your reaction. Remember: it’s easier to change your perceptions, attitude, and behavior than to ask someone to be a different kind of person.

6. They pause and take a deep breath.

Some personality characteristics may always set you off, says Kathleen Bartle (a California-based conflict consultant). Maybe it’s the colleague who regularly misses deadlines, or the guy who tells off-color jokes. Take a look at what sets you off and who’s pushing your buttons. That way, Bartle says, you can prepare for when it happens again.

According to her, “If you can pause and get a grip on your adrenaline pump and go to the intellectual part of your brain, you’ll be better able to have a conversation and to skip over the judgment.” A deep breath and one big step back can also help to calm you down and protect you from overreaction, thereby allowing you to proceed with a slightly more open mind and heart.

7. They voice their own needs.

If certain people constantly tick you off, calmly let them know that their manner of behavior or communication style is a problem for you. Avoid accusatory language and instead try the “When you . . . I feel . . .” formula. For example, Cacaiola advises you to tell that person, “When you cut me off in meetings, I feel like you don’t value my contributions.” Then, take a moment and wait for their response.

You may find that the other person didn’t realize you weren’t finished speaking, or your colleague was so excited about your idea that she enthusiastically jumped into the conversation.

8. They allow space between them.

If all else fails, smart people allow space between themselves and those they don’t like. Excuse yourself and go on your way. If at work, move to another room or sit at the other end of the conference table. With a bit of distance, perspective, and empathy, you may be able to come back and interact both with those people you like and those you don’t like as if unfazed.

Of course, everything would be easier if we could wish people we don’t like away. Too bad we all know that’s not how life works.

Featured photo credit: sachman75 via flickr.com

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10 Signs People Are Just Seeking Attention But Not Respect

Respect is better earned than requested. However we all have insecurities and some deal with these insecurities by seeking attention and taking a piece of their time and energy. Moreover demanding your attention by playing the pose of being on a higher moral ground and deserving of it when they really do not could be devious.

1. They always blow their trumpet

There is nothing wrong in making everyone aware of your accomplishments and achievements as this could improve your self-esteem, but when this is overemphasized or exaggerated by someone you know, then you should be wary and stick to your own business rather than entangling yourself in their world.

2. They always push for a compliment

They know they are beautiful, brilliant and classy. But when they are always seeking for a reaffirmation or a reassurance of who they are, it simply means they are seeking for your attention rather than your respect.

3. They make their problems everyone’s problem

Their problems are not enough for them to deal with. They want everyone to share it with them and be a part of it. Don’t be surprised if they intentionally flaunt their problems and issues at everyone who cares to listen – in the subway, to the cab driver and on social media. And if you are not interested in listening then that becomes another problem too.

4. They always play the victim

They are never wrong. They are always the victim and the one who has been wronged. Yes, all will be a ploy to obtain some sympathy and acknowledgement, something they really crave for.

5. They complain about everyone

Nothing is good enough for them and perhaps even no one is. They are cynical. They complain about everyone that is supposed to stand for them or be at their side. Truth is that such persons are drama kings and queens who use such complaints to drag people to them.

6. They are always active on social media…

Whether on Twitter, Facebook or Instagram they always post pictures and spin stories to get a lot of likes and comments. Someone who needs respect will only be sharing their good moments at certain times, but not attention seekers who are hyper active on social media.

7. …And in social gatherings

They want to be the center of attention even with their friends and any new acquaintances they meet in a social gathering. And if the party is going right without anyone noticing them, they will do something out of line to make sure the spotlight is placed on them.

8. They are master story tellers

Whether they are using pictures or words to tell their stories, they are great at telling stories. Doing this may mean they exaggerate certain facts or tell lies to make the story more thrilling and attention grabbing.

9. They are trouble makers

They will start a war rather than settle for peace. They are trouble makers and will use every tool at their disposal to stir up trouble. Even when they are meant to offer praise and admiration to something noteworthy, they will prefer to do such with sarcasm.

10. They have a glamorous life

Their lives are never dull because they portray their lives as fab and glamorous. If they are asked a question on what they are doing or where they are, they will tell you they are in a Lamborghini or they are having a meeting with Beyonce’s manager. They don’t offer simple answers to questions. Rather, they will elaborate and make it seem like they are living a life of a king or queen and make you feel like you are even lucky to be an acquaintance of theirs.

If you have someone in your life that is constantly using the above ploys to attract you to them, you should be meticulous with such a person because at the end they could sap your time and energy that could be delegated to more productive pursuits.

Featured photo credit: http://www.flickr.com via flickr.com

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5 Proven Unconventional Strategies To Make Your Mind Peaceful Again

Think of a time where you felt overwhelmed. I’m sure it wasn’t long ago. Maybe it was while you were at work and your boss started to rip on you for messing up a project . . . Or maybe worry started to creep and snowballed while you were at home making dinner for the family.

Regardless of where or when it takes place, losing your peace of mind and venturing deeper into anxiety causes the same physiological response: activation of the fight or flight response.

Your eyes dilate and you become more agitated. As you become more agitated, your heart beats faster and your breathing increases. Your mind and your body are being ”revved out” to the max as if there was an external threat.

Eventually if you cannot return to a peaceful state, you will crash into burnt out state.

So how do we avoid this? Should we follow the same tired old advice that is copy and pasted all over the internet like:

• Just turn your mind off and relax!

• Think positive?

• “Just be?”

If we could actually do all of the above we would be Zen and peaceful all the time. The truth is this advice is vague and misleading. There is no such thing as turning your mind off while being alive.  You think all the time, even when you are asleep you are still thinking!  And even when we are not consciously aware of our thinking, our subconscious mind is busy thinking by processing information.

Think positive?  How do we actually do that? Should we jump up in the air and shout hurray? Maybe, but the techniques below to think positive are much more effective.

Just be?  Have you ever asked someone what was wrong and they said “NOTHING” in a problematic tone?  You knew they were pissed off and trying to hide it.  If you keep asking them what’s wrong they just might blow a head gasket.

Research indicates that trying to suppress negative thoughts is far more likely to increase misery than create a clear mind. In the 1980’s, Harvard psychologist Daniel Wegner conducted an experiment proposing students NOT to think about a white Polar Bear by suppressing the thought. Everyone was then asked to ring a bell every time the white bear came to mind. The result of the experiment? Daniel Wagner thought the cows were coming home because the bells never stopped ringing!

Attempting to suppress certain thoughts makes people obsess even more on the very topic they are trying to avoid.

So if most conventional tips don’t work, what does? Here are 5 strategies you can implement today to keep your peace of mind.

1.  Write Your Heart Out 

If we had a nickel for every time we worried we’d be rich. All of us experience chaos, setbacks, hardships, life problems and anxiety. Perhaps you just went through a long term breakup, are experiencing conflict at work or are in danger of losing your job or maybe all three!

In the book The Writing Cure studies indicate that expressive writing resulted in a remarkable boost in psychological and physical well-being, including a reduction in health problems and an increase in self esteem and happiness.

Common sense and habit lead us to try and share our pain with others by talking it out with a buddy. This does have some effect, but not nearly as much as expressive writing, especially in the long term.

Why does expressive writing work as opposed to sharing your pain with others?  

The brain functions very differently to produce thoughts, speech and writing.  Thinking is the most unstructured and chaotic followed by speaking and then writing. While thinking, your thoughts jump all over the place, from one topic to another topic without much connection. Speaking is more logically connected and writing is the most structured and takes the most work. . . trust me. I’m struggling right now to write this article.

While I’m writing, my brain is working hard to string together letters into sentences, sentences into paragraphs and paragraphs into ideas!  Because of the reasoning, logic and more concrete structure, we are forced to think and make sense of what happened.

This structured sequence of logic and reasoning will help you solve your problems in addition to expressing your feelings in a way that makes sense.

The whole process of writing brings a tremendous peace of mind.

So if life gives you lemons and you want lemonade, reflect on it. Spend a few minutes each day writing a diary type account of you deepest thoughts and feelings about it.

2.  Name that state 

Like I said earlier, suppressing emotion causes more problems than good. The opposite of suppressing emotion is to acknowledge it and let it out. I don’t mean letting it out in a destructive smashing pumpkins kind of way, I mean letting it out by calling attention to it.

One way to let out an emotion is to cry but, most of us don’t have that option. Another way is to use just a few words to describe an emotion.

An example would be saying to yourself out-loud, “I feel anxiety creeping in,” or “ All this new information is overwhelming.” Try to use simple terms and not to over elaborate. Opening up a full dialogue about an emotion will increase it, making it worse. The trick is to catch yourself during the onset and label it before you are consumed by its intensity.

Oddly enough people that were surveyed predicted that labeling emotions would make their emotions worse.  In 2005 Neuroscientist Matthew Lieberman, Associate Professor of cognitive neuroscience at UCLA proved with FMRI brain scans that labeling arising emotions significantly reduces activity in the brain associated with fear called the amygdala.

3. Tear it down and RE-FRAME it

If your emotional state has drifted too far past the point for labeling to work, re-framing will work. Re-framing has a stronger calming effect to bring you peace of mind but it takes more brainpower.

I’m sure you’ve heard of aphorisms like, “there’s a silver lining in every dark cloud” or “turning lemons into lemonade.” These are all examples of re-framing.

Reframing is essentially controlling your interpretation of the meaning of the situation.

Our emotional responses flow out of our interpretations of the world, if we can shift those interpretations, we can shift our emotional responses.

Here are a few techniques

4. Normalizing

Suppose you were having a routine vaccination done at the hospital. As you sit down, the doctor pulls out a needle and injects the upper part of your leg without saying anything. He then quickly leaves the room without saying a word but laughs.

After a minute, your leg starts tingling and loses feeling.

At this point you are probably in FULL panic mode!

Now suppose the same thing happened, but the doctor told you exactly what was going to happen. Suppose he said, “after I inject you it’s NORMAL for it to start tingling and lose feeling for about 30 seconds.”

Not as bad, ehhh?  That’s because it is normal and you know what to expect. This kind of re-framing is called normalizing.

Here are some facts to make a few things seem normal:

It’s normal to feel anxious and overwhelmed the first time you start a new task, job or endeavor.

It’s normal to fail at something over and over until you achieve your final goal.

It’s normal to feel embarrassed when you make mistakes at work.

It’s normal to feel overwhelmed and challenged when raising children.

It’s normal to procrastinate by surfing the internet and reading articles like these.

Find out if what you are going through is normal.

Just knowing that it is normal is proven to bring you peace of mind.

5.  Time Frame

Just like you, I rush in the morning to get out the door by a certain time to make it work. Sometimes I take a little too long to eat breakfast and I end up in a mad dash to try and get to work on time. Sometimes in this mad dash I literally run around the house and I’ll do things like skip packing lunch and brush my teeth real quick just to save 2.333 minutes.

It seems trivial now, because the time frame is completely different. The fact that I have to be at work within a certain time makes 2.33 minutes seem like an eternity, but within a day or week it’s trivial.

Think about this and slow down next time you feel panicked because of time.

Expanding the time frame you view your problem in will bring you peace of mind.

An experience can be viewed as “terrible” within the time frame of a week, but within the time frame of a few years or a lifetime, the event will seem trivial.

”Why am I rushing?  I have plenty of time to brush my teeth and pack my lunch, 5 extra minutes is nothing over the course of the day.”

“In a week from now I won’t even remember this, and neither will anyone else, why am I so worried?”

“I will be working for the rest of my life until I’m 65, what’s wrong with taking a sick day to spend more time with my kids, maybe I should take a year off?”

”I’m going to spend the extra time to do it right because it will pay off in the long run!”

If you don’t use it you lose it

So there you have it, a few unconventional strategies that will bring you peace of mind. Of course these strategies will not help if you just skimmed over the article and “keep that in mind.” You have to apply it, over and over again until it become ingrained in you. My suggestion is to take just one and apply it throughout the day for a week or two, then another one the week after.

There are plenty more, enough for a part 2 and maybe a part 3 so stay in touch, but for now, less is more. Implement what you know and make it a part of you!

To sum it up.

• Name that state:  Call attention to your emotions as soon as they start to arise to express it.

• Write your heart out:  Write a detailed account of what happened and what you will do to solve it.

• Control your interpretation of the events (Re-frame)

• Normalize it: Is that normal?

• Time frame: What time frame are you referring to?

Featured photo credit: Girl Feeling Free / Photo by: Ed Gregory via stokpic.com

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