How to Get Over Family Feuds that lead to Stress, Anxiety and Depression

Have you ever had an argument with a family member so intense that you just start to boil inside? The only thing left is for steam to blow through your ears and nostrils profusely. I hate it when they do that!

The aggravation from family can really mess up your psyche. How can you feel so connected to someone but have them crush your dreams, hopes and aspirations in a split second?

It happens to the best of us.

I remember getting offered a placement for University abroad at the age of 16 and asking my grandmother with a thriving business for help. Now, 7 years later… I did NOT go to that University. Why? Take a wild guess. I bawled for days feeling crushed. I remember I wasn’t a religious person at that time but waited for everyone to leave the house and began screaming my throat out to God. All I wanted was for Him to hear me. I told myself I wouldn’t stop screaming until he heard me. Did God say anything to me in that time? Absolutely NOT.

Imagine you think you have this one shot to go get a better life. You ask the one person you think could help you and they say no. The rejection was real. I battled within to come to terms with this situation. Anxiety attacks came crashing in. I gave my mom an attitude on autopilot for weeks. The anger bubbled within me.

Flash forward to now.

Everyday I meditate to keep myself grounded and my energies pure. I’ve worked at this for years after I realized that it’s the only thing that helps because I’ve been aggressive all my life. Why am I telling you this? Because even with so much practice, you’d think I have mastered this. I have… I do manifest everything I absolutely want but just one simple thing from my mom, grandmother or my boyfriend can cut me off my game. It could possibly lead me to depression. That’s how bad it could get. Why? Because they’re the closest ones to me. Don’t get annoyed. The story comes together, I promise.

They say and do the sweetest stuff sometimes but the harshest as well. Sometimes it will kick you off your game so much that you wonder if they really do love you. They do… It’s just that what you find important, they won’t. What aggravates you is soothing to them..sometimes. Family can build you too. So don’t feel I’m against loving them because I’m not.

I don’t care who you are or where you live…I stick to this belief wholeheartedly: The people you love impact you the most to the point you can hurt for a lifetime over something they said or did.

Prevention is better than cure.

If you want me to sugarcoat this… Do me a favor and stop reading.
If you want the truth, here goes.

Sometimes you have to tune out the people you love. Just sometimes. Remember, balance is everything in life. Balance along with faith. You are more than enough with where you are and what you do. You have to figure out a way to start believing that. When someone doesn’t align that much with the desires you have, tune them out CONCERNING that specific subject. Seek the truth by becoming more aware. Become a little more open minded and try new things that may lead you to the answers you seek.

People you love will try to suppress the things you believe in just because they don’t believe it. You learn to tune people out by ignoring their ignorance and negativity through practice. Think about something you enjoy while they speak to you. Try remembering the lyrics to your favorite song. Picture that person you have a crush on, exercise, take a trip. Distract yourself from the fact that they’ve become a nuisance. Channel your energy somewhere else. Heck, I don’t care… Just make sure that you become immune to the foolishness. You know yourself better than I do. Find  a way!

Who are you to suppress someone’s dreams? Better yet, who are you to suppress the dreams you have? Pursuing things you love will give you life so why try to kill it before giving it a fair chance?

The story about not going to the University I got into is now a pain point leaning towards understanding. How so?

Values and Differences

Well, my grandmother didn’t help because she didn’t believe in education. She gained a great amount of wealth without being trained. Why would she spend hundreds of thousands of her profits on my education? It wasn’t necessary for her so she didn’t see it necessary for me. Never be that ignorant. I however don’t blame her looking back at it. I didn’t enjoy life at that moment because I thought God couldn’t hear me and my ONE chance got blown away. Boy, was I WRONG!

I now think of it as God having a bigger and better plan for me. I stayed in the country and struggled for a bit. Through struggling, you learn the most. What does someone learn from trying one simple thing and succeeding the first time? So, as hard as it was, I came to terms with the fact that I had gained a lot of experience and wisdom going through depression and heartache born from trying to find where I belonged. I found it though. Why? Because I persisted in finding the truth.

Opportunities are neverending

You don’t just get one chance in life. Chances come over and over and over. When you miss one, you don’t really miss it. You align yourself for something grander, something more exciting.
Stop walking around and saying your family didn’t give you the opportunity to do whatever they stopped you from doing. There’s always a loophole.

I did go to College but ended up dropping out. Why? On my own behalf I didn’t believe enough in the system. Imagine if I had gotten the money from my grandma, went overseas, dropped out and went back without a degree she would be investing in me. She would have been furious. Look at that… It worked out for me.

Don’t force it

Sometimes we try to force things that really aren’t for us too but that’s a whole other story by itself. Save yourself the hassle and trust your journey. The impact family has on you can either crush your spirit or build it. What do you decide?
Are you going to be depressed for the rest of your life because they don’t have the same vision as you? Or are you going to tune them out and seek the truth on who you really want to be? If you need help deciding, this should help you. You can download it here if you need it for your personal collection; it has highlights and is more relatable.

Have an open mind, be hungry for growth and expect new opportunities every day.

Don’t be scared to shoot me a message of what you’re going through with a loved one/family member.

Change is possible so just keep trying. Big hugs <3

Featured photo credit: pixabay via pixabay.com

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The Most Amazing Locations From The Golden Age Of Film & TV

Today, the locations are as much the stars as the actors and directors themselves. To celebrate the ‘golden age’ of film and TV we’re living in, travel experts Expedia have developed The World On Screen, an interactive guide to the most amazing, interesting locations seen in movies and TV. Working with city and culture bloggers, this is your go-to, street-level guide to what to see and do and eat and drink in destinations all over the world – from New York’s Ghostbusters to Mad Max: Fury Road’s Namibia.

Browse the map at your pleasure, or filter by genre or activity (road trip, beach break, city trip, country escape). So, if you’re currently planning a movie or TV-themed trip somewhere, why not get some inspiration with Expedia’s glorious guide? To wet your appetite, here’s a few of our choice favourites.

Road Trip

The Motorcycle Diaries: Things to do in South America

Charting Che Guevara’s journey from Buenos Aires to Peru in 1952, The Motorcycle Diaries is a celebration of south America’s amazing landscapes as much it is a look at the early life of the Marxist revolutionary (Guevara was 23 when he embarked on the trip along with friend Alberto Granado).

So saddle up and get the lowdown on the best things to see and do on a Motorcycle Diaries homage in South America:

It was in Buenos Aires where Guevara began his grand tour. Check out Plaza Miserere – this is where the film’s opening scenes were shot.

Valparaisois is a sea port in Chile, where Guevara and Granado passed through. The beautiful city has funicular railways which feature in The Motorcycle Diaries.

The city of Cuzco in Peru is a must – be sure to visit the Cathedral of Santo Domingo which is in the film, before heading to the world-renowned Machu Picchu.

Country Escape

Game of Thrones: Northern Ireland

The phenomenally popular TV show based on the bestselling novels by George R.R. Martin is about the political power struggles between rival households in the mythical kingdom of Westeros. Much of this lauded show was shot in Northern Ireland:

Castle Ward in County Down was used as Winterfell, the home of the Stark family. It’s thought that more than 2,500 people visit the castle every month.

The stretch of coast at Portstewart Strand in County Londonderry was used for filming as part of Game of Thrones series 5.

Downhill Beach, County Londonderry on the Causeway Coast is one of the most beautiful spots in Northern Ireland. In GoT, Downhill was transformed into Dragonstone in series 2.

City Break

GhostBusters: Things to do in New York

Does a film better visualise the Big Apple than Ghostbusters? OK, Woody Allen’s Manhattan might give it a run for its money, but this entertaining tale of four paranormal investigators chasing poltergeists, slime-balls and all manner of other creepy ghouls across NYC is the perfect advertisement for one of America’s best destinations.

Charge up your proton pack and explore Ghostbusters’ New York:

The Ghostbusters HQ is the Ladder 8 Firehouse on the corner of North Moore and Varick Street – it’s a working firehouse and definitely should be top of your to-do list

Remember the brilliant opening scene with the librarian? That’s in the New York Public Library.

Enjoy a picnic on the steps of the Columbia University campus – a number of scenes were filmed here.

Beach Break

Finding Nemo: Australia

OK so it’s an animation, but the beauty of Australia’s Great Barrier Reef is laid bare in Pixar’s brilliant clownfish adventure Finding Nemo.

Dive into the sea and explore Finding Nemo’s Australia:

The Great Barrier Reef is the largest living organism on the planet – stretching for more than 2,000km from Brisbane to Thursday Island, it’s home to more than 600 types of coral and thousands of fish and other wildlife.

Cairns is the perfect place from which to explore the wonders of the sea – this beautiful coastal city sits in the middle of the Reef and offers plenty of watersports action, including snorkelling and scuba-diving.

Explore Expedia’s guide for more inspiration – and get your film or TV-themed holiday booked. If you have a favourite movie or small screen location, let us know.

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Give A New Touch To Your Home With A Stunning Modern Staircase

If you want to renovate your home, or if you want to start a new commercial property construction, then instead of the heavy traditional staircases, you can start experimenting with a modern staircase for an easy-to-maintain and trendy home decorating solution. There are many companies that make a variety of modern staircase versions, and you can even customize the designs according to your budget and home requirements.

The installation of an ultramodern staircase adds resale value to your property, and it also enhances the aesthetic quality of your home. They are available in many trending organic and linear patterns, often using a combination of luminescent glass fittings along with metal alloys or wood to spruce up your home. A modern staircase is generally available in many colors, shapes, textures, and designs which can work well with any kind of interior or exterior. You can search through catalogues and choose the best one according to the background color and décor of your home or commercial establishment.

Modern floating staircases made of wood, glass, or metal: a worthy combination for every new home

Stainless steel or glass work wonderfully when used as materials either for making balustrades or staircases. Floating staircases made of wood, metal alloys, and even of bamboo and glass combinations are a new trend that is sought after by a significant portion of home owners.

When it comes to experimenting with styles, without forgetting the practicality of the staircase, these materials are the best ones to be used for making a modern staircase:

• Spiral-shaped or serpentine staircases can be made with steel or glass frames. Wood and aluminum can be used to make the railings and the balustrades.
• Glass creates a minimalist design with a clarity that is made with perfection. This allows plenty of light to pass through and does not block the space inside your home or commercial setup.
• Floating staircases can be decorated with LED lighting to create an impression of more space in your home. These can be made with the same materials that are used for making your floors, so marble or floor tiles can be used to make the modern staircase, which reduces additional costs.

Modern staircase made with fiberglass: the latest addition to your domestic style

When you research about modern staircases, you will find that there are many urban designs that are made of fiberglass. These staircases are very easy to clean and maintain and they do not chip, crack, or break-off due to movement. There are many Australian companies which have designed modern and elegant spiral staircase with fiberglass. This is a unique style statement that will enchance your home décor. Initially, they might look thin and shaky, but when they are assembled and structured together, they make for a robust combination of style, variety, and utility. The cost of these staircases can be a little high, but they are one of the trendiest types of staircases you can get when it comes time to decorate or to renovate your house.

Four simple steps to create a customized modern staircase design:

You can also add a spark of creativity to your living space and get a customized design for a modern staircase to install in your home. Here are the steps you need to take:

• Find out whether you want a straight, spiral, or curved layout for the modern staircase.
• Pick your product and talk about the estimate with the professionals.
• Determine the style you like. It could be modern, craftsman, traditional, or an ornamental metal design.
• Order online or from dealers to get the best varieties of handrails, staircases, and fixtures.

Once you are done with these four steps, you can call on the professionals to install a modern staircase according to your planning.

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How to Declutter Your Mind and Unleash Your Willpower by Using “Bright-Line” Rules

“You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say or do can and will be used against you in a court of law. You have the right to an attorney. If you cannot afford an attorney, one will be appointed to you. Do you understand these rights as they have been read to you?” —The Miranda Warning

In the spring of 1966, a man named Ernesto Miranda was arrested in Phoenix. The police had very little to go on, but they suspected Miranda of kidnapping and raping an 18-year-old woman ten days earlier. The officers interrogated Miranda for two hours and were rewarded for their efforts: Miranda admitted to the rape charge and signed a confession paper.

There was just one problem. During the interrogation, Miranda had been alone and at no point was he informed that he had the right to legal counsel.

When the case went to trial, Miranda’s written confession was used as evidence. He was quickly convicted, but his lawyer appealed because Miranda had never been informed of his rights and thus, according to his lawyer, the confession was not voluntary. The Arizona Supreme Court upheld the decision, but eventually the case made it to the United States Supreme Court.

The United States Supreme Court overturned the Miranda ruling by a vote of 5 to 4 because “The person in custody must, prior to interrogation, be clearly informed that he has the right to remain silent, and that anything he says will be used against him in court; he must be clearly informed that he has the right to consult with a lawyer and to have the lawyer with him during interrogation, and that, if he is indigent, a lawyer will be appointed to represent him.” (1)

The Supreme Court had just created a bright-line rule.

The Power of Bright-Line Rules

A bright-line rule refers to a clearly defined rule or standard. It is a rule with a clear interpretation and very little wiggle room. It establishes a bright line for what the rule is saying and what it is not saying.

The Miranda ruling is one example. If a police officer fails to inform a defendant in custody of their rights, then the suspect’s statements are not admissible in court. Plain and simple. Clear and bright.

Most of us, myself included, could benefit from setting brighter lines in our personal and professional lives. Consider some common examples:

• We might say that we want to check email less frequently.
• We might say that we want to drink moderately.
• We might say that we want to save more for retirement.
• We might say that we want to eat healthier.

But what do these statements really mean?

• What does it mean to check email less frequently? Are you going to “try to be better about it” and hope that works? Will you set specific days or certain times when you will be unavailable? Will you check email on weekends? Will you process email only on your computer?
• What, exactly, is moderate drinking? Is it one drink per week? Five drinks per week? Ten drinks per week? We haven’t defined it, so how will we know if we are making progress? (2)
• What does it mean to save more? More is not a number. How much is more? When will you save? Every month? Every paycheck?
• What does eating healthier look like on a daily basis? Does that mean you eat more servings of vegetables? If so, how many more? Do you want to start by eating a healthy meal once per day? Twice per day? Every meal?

It can be easy to make promises like this to yourself, but they do not create bright lines. Fuzzy statements make progress hard to measure, and the things we measure are the things we improve.

Now, do we need to measure every area of our lives? Of course not. But if something is important to you, then you should establish a bright line for it. Consider the following alternatives:

• I only process email between 11 AM and 6 PM.
• I enjoy a maximum of 2 drinks per night.
• I save $500 per month for retirement.
• I eat at least two types of vegetables per day.

These statements establish bright lines. These statements make action steps precise and obvious. Vague promises will never lead to clear results.

Using Bright Lines to Break Bad Habits

The examples I outlined above focus primarily on building new behaviors, but bright-line rules can be used just as effectively to break bad habits or eliminate old behaviors.

My friend Nir Eyal proposes a similar strategy that he calls “Progressive Extremism.” To explain the concept, Nir uses the example of being a vegetarian. If you were interested in becoming a vegetarian, you might start by saying, “I don’t eat red meat.” The goal is not to change everything at once, but to take a very clear and extreme stand in one small area. You are establishing a bright line on that topic.

Over time, you can progressively move your bright line forward and add other behaviors to the mix (i.e. “I don’t eat red meat or fish,” and so on).

How Bright Lines Unleash Your Hidden Willpower

Establishing bright lines in your life can provide a huge boost in daily willpower. There are two reasons for this.

First, bright lines shift the conversation in your head from one of sacrifice to one of empowerment. When you don’t have a bright line established and you choose not to do something, the tendency is to say, “Oh, I can’t do it this time.” Conversely, when you do have a bright line clearly set, your response can simply be, “No thanks, I don’t do that.” Bright lines help you avoid making just-this-once exceptions. Instead, you are following a new identity that you have created for yourself. (3)

Second, by establishing clear decisions in your life, you conserve willpower for other important choices. Here’s the problem with trying to make daily decisions in muddy water: Without bright lines, you must decide whether a situation fits your standards every time. With bright lines, the decision is made ahead of time. Because of this, you are less likely to suffer from decision fatigue and are more likely to have willpower left over for work, relationships, and other health habits.

This article was originally published on JamesClear.com.

FOOTNOTES:

1. Ernesto Miranda didn’t escape prison for long. He was soon sentenced to 20 to 25 years in prison for a robbery he committed during a separate crime.
2. I want to give credit to Brian Johnson for originally developing this drinking example and for sparking my research on bright-line rules, which led to this article. Thanks Brian!
3. Related reading: How to Say No, Resist Temptation, and Stick to Your Health Goals

Featured photo credit: Mark Fischer via flickr.com

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Meal Prep For The Week

It’s tough to eat well and work full-time. When you finally make it home, you just don’t feel like cooking anything healthy.

Here are some recipes that will help you prep for the week ahead, so you can eat delicious meals and bask in the glory of leftovers.

1. Quick Tomato Basil Soup

What you need is a recipe that’s easy to follow, and soup is one of the easiest things to make (and making it yourself tastes much better than the stuff in the can, really). Soup made with fresh ingredients – and served with garlic bread on the side – meets all your veggie needs and is ready in just 20 minutes or less.

2. Sautéed Chickpeas, Broccoli and Parmesan

Vegetarians and meat lovers alike will adore this recipe, especially if you’re usually not a huge fan of vegetables. You’ll get plenty of protein, veggies and carbs eating this dish, and there’s a lot of cheese involved (yasss). You’ll have leftovers for a few nights, which will save you a ton of time later in the week.

3. Spicy Tuna and Avocado Melts

Altogether, you’ll be able to throw this recipe together in about 15 minutes. Just preheat the oven as soon as you walk in the door and you’ll be all set to go. You’ll squeeze all five main food groups into these melts, and if you don’t want both servings tonight, save one for tomorrow!

4. Rice and Bean Bowl

This is a single-serving dish that gives you a healthy serving of grains, protein and even a little fruit, if you opt for the guac. It takes about six to seven minutes to prepare, and because it’s rice and bean-based, it will fill you up and keep you from snacking the rest of the night, too.

5. Microwave Lasagna

This lasagna will take around 45 minutes to prep and cook, but it’s super easy to throw together, and you can do something else for 30 minutes while you’re waiting for it to cook. It’s meaty, it’s cheesy … it’s like a pizza without bread. The best part about it is that you will have leftovers, so if you make it Sunday night, you could still be eating it for dinner on Tuesday.

6. Slow Cooker Chili

This is definitely a recipe you’ll want to throw together on Sunday and enjoy throughout the week. You can also try cooking it on low during the day while you’re at work. This is a bean-and-veggie masterpiece, easy to heat up in the microwave later when you walk in the door at the end of a long day.

7. Onion-Stuffed Baked Potato

Add something special to your boring baked potato. This recipe is quick and easy to prepare, and there should be enough to save for tomorrow’s dinner, too. These ingredients combined will fill you up with healthy ingredients you already love – you just never knew how well they went together.

Happy eating!

Featured photo credit: Ward van Wanrooij via flickr.com

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Get Over A Break Up

It happens to most of us at some point or another – a valued relationship ends. Whether you’ve been seeing it coming for a while or it happens to you of the blue, it can be utterly devastating. However common this experience is, it still hits hard.

Luckily, there are tried and tested strategies through which you can move on quickly and start to heal. The tips below will enable you to see your previous relationship in a new light, and help you understand what went wrong. This sets you up for healthier relationships in the future, combined with a greater degree of self-awareness. Adhere to the following steps to help you get over a break up:

1. Give Yourself Time To Get Over A Break up

The cliche ‘time heals all wounds’ is a popular saying for a reason – it’s true. Whilst there are no hard and fast rules as to how long it takes an average person to get over a relationship, you can reasonably expect it to take at least a few months to fully get over a long-term relationship. It doesn’t matter how long it takes, provided you are seeing progress of some kind, you are moving in the right direction.

2. Take Care Of The Basics

In the aftermath of a break up, it can be easy to let eating, sleeping and work duties slide. It’s tempting to just lie in bed, wallowing in self-pity and wondering what went wrong. This, however, will not help you get over a break up. Resist this urge!

Make a promise to yourself that you will wash, dress and make yourself eat at least one proper meal every day. It’s normal to gain or lose a bit of weight following emotional turmoil, but any significant changes need to be reported to your doctor or therapist.

3. Reach Out To Other People Who Have Been There

You probably have friends or relatives who have survived relationship breakdown and perhaps even emerged stronger for it. Find these people and ask them questions about their experiences. It can feel very comforting to know that other people have also been through immense emotions similar to those you are facing.

4. Tackle Negative Thoughts Head-On

After losing someone you love, you may find yourself indulging in negative and unhelpful thoughts that will not set you up for positive relationships in the future. This is common, especially if you had invested a lot in the relationship. Thoughts include, ‘No-one will ever love me again,’ and ‘I’ll never be happy again.’ When you look at these thoughts carefully, you will realize that they are not rational. Be aware of them, honor them, but promise yourself not to be drawn into dwelling on them.

5. Keep Relentlessly Busy

Is your schedule looking a little bare? If you have been engrossed in a relationship that has been demanding a lot of your attention for some months or years, you might have been neglecting your social life or hobbies. Now is the perfect time to reclaim yourself and start sorting a new life out for yourself! Start by getting back in touch with old friends or by picking up interests or hobbies that may have fallen by the wayside during your relationship.

6. Start Keeping A Journal

Research has shown that expressive writing, in which you keep track of your feelings and describe a difficult experience, works to reduce feelings of stress and depression. Start a notebook in which you record your innermost thoughts and feelings relating to the breakup. Over time, you will be able to see the progress you have made. It can be encouraging to realize that you can approach a previously unbearable situation with a new degree of emotional maturity.

Featured photo credit: Unsplash/Pixabay via pixabay.com

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