motion by the glitch
quarta-feira, setembro 07, 2016
visual-poetry: »no thanks« by e.e. cummings (+) shape poem in...
»no thanks« by e.e. cummings (+)
shape poem in the form of a funeral urn dedicated to 14 publishers who rejected his book.
Why You Should Say “Thank You” Instead Of “Sorry” When You Do Something Wrong
Politeness is ingrained in all of us – more so in some cultures than others, but it is a universal pattern of behaviour used to make sure other people are aware that we mean no harm, we are thoughtful to others’ needs and show empathy for the people around us.
Saying “sorry” has become an automatic polite phrase these days. But how much do we really think about what we mean when we say it? We use it to show that we acknowledge we’ve done something wrong and no ill intention was meant by it. We use it because we’ve caused some kind of displeasure for another person, we may even say it without completely meaning it and only as a means to dispel a disagreement.
Don’t get me wrong, saying “sorry” has its place in our everyday lives like accidentally bumping into someone, expressing sympathy or empathy towards another person or allowing others to see you are expressing genuine regret for a mistake. But in certain situations, there is a much better way to apologise that will, not only fulfil your need to say sorry, but also allow the other person to feel much better.
Saying “Sorry” Is Important But It Has Its Place
While saying “sorry” can be grouped in the same politeness category as “thank you”, by saying we’re sorry we are ultimately exposing our weaknesses. Unknowingly, we are lowering our self-worth and harming our self-confidence by apologising for actions and circumstances.
For example, if you’re half an hour late to meet a friend, by saying “sorry” you are revealing your faults (in this case lack of punctuality). In turn, we are apologising for ourselves and wasting the friend’s time but also portraying ourselves as an incapable person.
The Power Of Saying “Thank You”
“Thank you” is used to express gratitude and appreciation for others. It’s a very powerful phrase that takes away from ourselves and gives warmth to those around us. The amount of appreciation we express, and our ability to sincerely say “thank you” has a dramatic impact on how we relate to others.
While apologising is seen as a correct response to something we’ve done wrong, it leads to the assumption that other people are appreciative of our politeness and good manners but since it can be overused so much, it can actually become an empty automatic response with no real meaning.
Saying “Thank You” vs. Saying “Sorry”
By saying “thank you”, you are identifying the other person and you are recognising their contribution. In the example of turning up half an hour late to meet a friend, expressing thanks instead of an apology cultivates a sense of positivity between the two of you because you are appreciating the time they spent waiting for you instead of apologising for your faults i.e. your bad time-keeping skills.
By doing this, you aren’t diminishing your image or what the person thinks of you but instead praising the person for what they did instead.
“Thank you for your patience” is showing appreciation while “I’m so sorry, I’m always late” is not completely acknowledging the gratitude you have for the person who’s waited for you.
“Thank you for listening” is much better than “Sorry for going on and on” as you’re showing gratitude for their time and friendship rather than revealing your low self-worth by assuming they didn’t want to listen to you.
Say “Thank you for spending time with me” rather than “Sorry for taking up all your time” because, again, you’re making assumptions about the other person while revealing your belief that you’re not important or worthy enough to take up someone’s time.
So if you really want to apologise to someone in an authentic way then make it about them. Allow the compliment of saying “thank you” to match the situation and even elaborate on why you appreciate someone for giving you their time by saying how much it means to you. Saying sorry comes very easily to us and while we may mean it whole-heartedly and it seems like the correct and polite response to use, by using this method, we are inadvertently taking our appreciation for them away.
By recognising the other person’s feelings and acknowledging them, you are praising the act they did because of you and allowing them to see you in a more positive light. At the end of the day, no one’s perfect and we can all do things to the detriment of others at times, so next time you find yourself in a situation of apology remember the power of “thank you” over saying “I’m sorry”.
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10 Psychological Tricks That Can Make Your Life Much Easier
Communicating and dealing with people can be hard for everyone at one point or another. Whether it’s work related or if it’s pleasure, it’s important to learn these psychological tricks to make things run much more smoothly. These are not to be confused with ways to maliciously manipulate others into getting what you want, but to simply improve overall communication and relationships with others.
1. Look into someone’s eyes when you get a dissatisfactory answer
Sometimes we don’t like the answer to a question that we receive and sometimes we don’t understand it. Instead of repeating the question or asking another, look into the eyes of the person. This will make the person feel under pressure or cornered, and this will force them to further elaborate their thoughts.
2. Stay calm when someone raises their voice to you
Make a strong effort to remain calm. When a loudmouth acts out it’s usually in anger, and our behaviors can sometimes unintentionally provoke that. The feelings of anger usually quickly subside and guilt will set in and usually this person is first to ask for forgiveness.
3. Sit close to the aggressor to avoid attack
If you’re heading into a meeting and you know you’ll be in the room with an aggressive person, you know the discussion may become heated, or you may be subjected to negative criticism, make a point to sit next to that person. You may feel uncomfortable and awkward, but you won’t be the only one. Close proximity is known to make people uncomfortable which will lessen the level of aggression they plan to exercise.
4. Remember everyone’s names if you want to be popular
If you want to be popular with your peers and colleagues, make it a habit to start calling people by their first names when speaking with them. A person feels instantaneously special when you call him or her by their first name.
5. Write down your thoughts when you feel stressed or anxious
We all feel some level of mental stress or anxiety at some point. Write down your thoughts in a journal and then close it up. Believe it or not, you’ll be able to focus on your work more easily because you have now shared your thoughts with someone. When you share them, you will then feel the burden on your mind reduced.
6. Give yourself fewer choices when you can’t make the decision
Some people believe that it’s better to have more choices and more information and actually, they prefer to have more. However, it is actually paralyzing to have too many. There is evidence that shows that having four options at a time is the maximum number we can consider and still make a choice. In order to be an effective decision maker, you should only give yourself a few options at a time. This will allow you time to consider each one while giving you enough space between looking at a new set of options.
7. Right posture can boost confidence
This psychological trick applies to both work and pleasure. It can drastically improve your dating life and help you move up the ladder at work. How can you become confident do you ask? The best way to do this is through your posture. If you allow yourself to take up more space, you’re more likely to feel more confident. This is referred to power language.
8. Surefire way to win in ‘rock, paper, scissors’
This one is definitely intriguing. When you’re about to play this famous game, ask your opponent a random question right before. This typically will throw your confused opponent off and more often than not they will throw up ‘scissors’.
9. Make people feel needed when you ask for help
If you need someone’s help start off with the phrase, ‘I need your help…’ People like to feel needed and they hate feeling guilty. By starting off the conversation with that phrase, you’re more likely to receive the help you need.
10. Warm your hands before shaking hands with others
Did you know that cold hands are linked to distrust? When you’re about to touch someone or shake their hand, make sure that your hands are warm. Warm hands promote a friendly atmosphere.
Other psychological tricks
- If you think someone doesn’t care for you, ask him or her to borrow their pen or pencil.
- If you can’t seem to get a song out of your head try remembering the end of it.
- If you need help carrying something, try talking to the person while handing them whatever it is. They will most likely not even realize you’re handing them something and they will just take it.
- During an introduction, make a note of someone’s eye color. You’re not going to use this information it’s just important to take note of it. It’s a technique to achieve optimum eye contact. People find this friendly and confident.
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7 Exercises That Can Transform Every Part Of Your Body In 4 Weeks
Exercise can be tough because it’s not always easy to figure out which ones to do for specific body parts. Additionally, it can be hard to find the time to do them. That’s why I’ve found these seven exercises that target every single part of your body and only take 10 minutes a day!
1. Plank
Planks are an amazing exercise to tone your glutes, back, and arms! It only takes 60 seconds a day (if you can’t do 60 seconds work your way up with the plank challenge!) and is super easy. To do a proper plank:
- Cross your hands together
- Place your elbows about shoulder width apart under your chest
- Curl in your tail bone to straighten your back
- Hold for up to 60 seconds
2. Push-ups
Pushups are perfect for exercising your chest and arms. In order to do a pushup correctly:
- Place your hands chest width apart
- Lower your arms until your upper arm is parallel to the floor
- Push back up to the original position
3. Squats
In order to do a perfect squat:
- Keep your feet flat on the ground
- Ensure your knees are behind your toes
- Your hips should be below the top of your knee
- Don’t round your upper back
- Keep your chest up
4. Ball Twist
Here’s a great one for your core. All you have to do it:
- Start with your back against a wall
- Bend your knees outward
- Hold a medicine ball at chest level
- Slowly twist from side to side
5. Table Top Leg Extension
This exercise is great for your thighs and bottom! It’s a great variation on your typical tabletop exercise. For added benefit, use some ankle and wrist weights. These will give you some added resistance and more exercise.
- Prop yourself up on your hands and knees
- Stretch one leg up and back
- At the same time, stretch the opposite hand up and forward
- Hold for five seconds
- Return to starting position and work opposite side
6. Dead Bug Exercise
Despite the creepy name, this exercise is also great for your core. It’s called the “dead bug exercise” because you sort of look like a bug lieing on it’s back. Weird, I know, but stick with me!
- Lie on your back and stretch your arms up to touch your knees
- Lower one leg and arm down until it almost touches the floor, keeping the opposite leg and arm in the same position
- Return to the initial position and work the other half
7. Downward Dog Leg Pull
If you’re familiar with the yoga pose “downward dog”, this exercise will feel right at home to you. It’s a great way to work your core, thighs and bottom!
- Start in the downward dog position, on all fours pressing back into your heels
- Lift one leg straight back and up like the top image above
- Bring that leg down and in to your chest
- Repeat on the other side
The Four-Week Plan
Now that you have the exercises, here is the four-week plan to get you toned and in shape!
Week 1:
Do the following for six days:
2 minutes plank;
1 minute push-ups;
1 minute dead bug;
1 minute downward dog leg pull;
1 minute ball twist;
2 minutes plank.
Have a ten-second break between the exercises.
Week 2:
Alternate the following sets for 6 days.
Set 1:
3 minutes plank;
3 minutes dead bug;
3 minutes downward dog leg pull.
Have a 15-second break between the exercises.
Set 2:
3 minutes ball twist;
3 minutes push-ups;
3 minutes downward dog leg pull.
Have a 15-second break between the exercises.
Week 3: repeat the Week 1 set.
Week 4: repeat the Week 2 sets.
If you follow this for the full 4 weeks, you’ll be looking and feeling better than ever before! Good luck!
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1-Minute Breathing Exercise You Can Do Anywhere To Relieve Stress From Your Busy Life
Oftentimes, as we go through our busy days, our breathing becomes short, shallow, and done through the chest. Even worse, during especially stressful times, we have a tendency to hold our breath. These kinds of breathing habits aren’t good for the human body. One simple way to reduce your stress and feel better in just 60 seconds is this quick breathing exercise!
What are common causes of stress?
Bad breathing habits can be caused by stress. So what are the most common causes of stress?
- Finances
- A bad job or demeaning boss
- Cruel friends or family
- A bad relationship with a significant other (this is often the worst stressor possible)
- Health issues putting a strain on your daily activity
What are the risks of prolonged stress?
The risks of prolonged stress make for a long list. Stress can lead to heart disease, obesity, diabetes, depression, headaches, and even premature death. Prolonged stress is not a good thing! If you’re constantly feeling stressed, I highly recommend you take the 60 seconds every day and do this breathing exercise. In fact, I also recommend taking 10 minutes more and doing some other physical exercises.
FAQs about the exercise
- Can I do this for longer than 60 seconds?
Sure can! This type of breathing is great for relaxing before bed or taking a break from lunch. - Can I do this anytime?
Definitely. Just don’t do it while driving or operating a heavy vehicle. - Will this practice become habitual?
Given enough time, yes! You can make it a habit of quickly disposing of your stress with this method.
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Having A Backup Plan May Keep You From Achieving Your Goal, Research Finds
“There is no reason to have a plan B because it distracts from plan A” ~Will Smith
Such a profound and thought provoking statement. But is it accurate?
Professor Jihae Shin, Assistant Professor of Management and Human Resources at the Wisconsin School of Business (University of Wisconsin-Madison) and Katherine L. Milkman from the Wharton School (University of Pennsylvania) conducted an experiment to research this topic and have concluded that it is–indeed–a very accurate statement. Their research proves that merely thinking through a backup plan, in most cases, reduces overall goal performance and hurts the chances of successfully achieving the primary goal.
The Research
Shin and Milkman conducted a series of experiments set out to test the notion that backup planning does more harm than good. They set up a series of laboratory experiments to test this theory. In one experiment, participants were given a sentence-unscrambling task and told that if they showed high performance on the task, they would be given a free snack or the chance to leave the study early. One set of participants were then instructed to find other ways they could get free food on campus, or make arrangements to eat later in the day in case they didn’t do well enough to earn the snack or the early dismissal. And you probably guessed the outcome. Those that were able to make plans to get food later did not perform as well as the group that did not have other plans.
Through a series of similar experiments, the cohort was able to determine that making a plan B caused people to exert less effort and energy and to be less successful at attaining their primary goal.
An article published in Science Daily further investigates and validates that backup plans are not as beneficial as once thought. The article discusses the findings of scientists from the University of Zurich who have developed a new theoretical model to study the use and usefulness of backup plans.
“Our model is based on a straightforward idea: backup plans change the way you pursue your goal, even if you aren’t using them, and even if you never use them,” said Dr. Christopher Napolitano, who is a researcher and lead author of their essay.
Simply put, research shows that the “backup plan effect” is counterintuitive and works by diminishing the desire to achieve the goal. Reduced desire means reduced motivation, which translates into a reduction in effort and performance.
Throw caution to the wind–cautiously
So are these research findings suggesting that we throw caution to the wind and chase our dreams with reckless abandon? Not exactly… It’s a bit more complicated than that.
Research shows that only having a plan A works when the outcome of the goal is largely under your control. For example, winning the lottery should not be your only goal. The ability to reach that goal is largely outside of your control making it imperative that you have a plan B. However, if obtaining a college degree is your goal, having a backup plan may sabotage your efforts of toughing it out and seeing it through to the end. The backup plan effect is particularly counterintuitive when it comes to things like marriage and certain financial, educational and career goals. If you give yourself an out–you are probably going to take it.
However, scientists suggest that while making a backup plan can be detrimental and counterproductive, it does not mean that people should go through life without EVER having one. Experts say you could explore ways to mitigate the negative effects — such as being more strategic about when you make a backup plan.
“You might want to wait until you have done everything you can to achieve your primary goal first,” Shin suggests.
At the end of the day, investing too much time and energy in making backup plans could create a sort of ‘self-fulfilling prophecy’ where one becomes more susceptible to using a well-developed backup plan, and subsequently failing to make a sufficient investment into succeeding with a plan A.
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Unhealthy Diet During Pregnancy Could Be Linked To ADHD In Kids, Study Finds
Pregnant women are often advised to avoid certain substances and chemicals that may harm the growth and development of their unborn children. A large focus is placed on consumed chemicals, such as tobacco, alcohol, some prescription medications, and illegal substances. Food guidelines are geared towards ensuring a nutritionally-balanced diet that supports the health of unborn babies.
Little advice, however, is offered to expectant women about the foods they should limit—or avoid altogether—during pregnancy. A recent study carried out by British researchers from King’s College London and the University of Bristol points to growing evidence that a poor prenatal diet may lead to symptoms of ADHD in children later on in life.
What The Study Finds
The study published in The Journal of Child Psychology and Psychiatry, found that excessive amounts of IGF2 methylation via an inadequate nutritional environment could lead to both mental and physical development issues later on in life. Diets high in the fat and sugar found in processed foods was associated with higher IGF2 methylation—the gene involved in fetal brain development, including the areas implicated in ADHD. Higher levels of IGF2 methylation is also associated with early onset conduct problems, such as fighting and lying, which are often precursors to ADHD.
Pregnant women should take this information with a grain of salt. Researchers are adamant that, while the association of IGF2 with ADHD is something to keep in mind, the association does not absolutely prove that sugar and fat can cause conduct issues. However, this area of the brain had already been linked with ADHD and dyslexia. This new information is certainly something to consider.
What Pregnant Women Can Do
The good news is that a link between ADHD and prenatal nutrition means that women can reduce the chances of—or even prevent—ADHD in their unborn children. If high amounts of sugar and fat correlate with higher chances of ADHD, then expectant mothers can lower their intake of these foods to decrease the chances of ADHD in their children. Researchers noted that a diet of omega 3 fatty acids from fish, walnuts, and chicken have a positive effect on neural development.
A Final Word
A poor prenatal diet may negatively impact the health of unborn children, but a healthy diet full of fruits, vegetables, and the healthy fats found in fish and nuts may be the first step in reducing ADHD and other behavioral problems in children.
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