6 Evergreen Tips To Help You Stay Positive In Tough Times

If you’ve read the book “Defiant”, about POWs held captive during the Vietnam War, you can’t help but think of how persistent the human spirit can be when put under not only immense physical pressure but also emotional stress. And what about spending 27 years in prison like Nelson Mendela did? Given the worst of circumstances, a majority of us will surely have moments of giving up and only a few will constantly put up a fight.

It can be said that we are our worst enemies and that the mind is the only barrier stopping us from getting what we want out of a bad experience. If only we are able to fluidly position our minds and be able to extract the positives, no matter how minute, out of a bad situation, then we will be successful in overcoming tough times no matter what.

Here are our 6 tips to help you stay positive in tough times and we hope that it will help you overcome any obstacles you might have in life now.

1. Don’t Beat Yourself Up

Most of the time we become angry at ourselves for being in a tight situation. The moment we get into an unfavourable place, we blame ourselves for not being good enough to avoid it. Sometimes, our ego eats away at our motivation as well because we are unable to accept our weaknesses.

The solution? Laugh in the face of adversity! And we mean literally. You will be surprised that it will work wonders. By not taking ourselves too seriously, we will eventually be more accepting of our weakness. Can’t get a laugh? Be around a funny friend or watch a comedy.

2. Think About The Good Things You Have Done

Out of all the bad things that have happened, there are the good things that we have done and achieved. Think about the last time you did something great which is also relative to the sticky situation you are in. For example, if you’re a salesperson and business have not been good, think about those times when you really soared and possibly the greater things in life such as being top in sales before.

3. Exercise

When the going gets tough, the tough exercise. Exercise has been proven time and time again to be able to shove stress under the rug and keep it there until you are in the right mindset to tackle it. And even if you are not facing hardship, try to keep active for about 20 minutes a day which experts say will benefit mind, soul and body.

4. Do Not Care About What People Say

Do remember that judging is a basic survival instinct that we humans have developed to assess our surroundings for danger. Everyone judges and you shouldn’t care about what people might say because more often than not, the one judging with a lack of any concrete information is not any better themselves as they can be judged as having a closed and ignorant mind.

5. Do Not Fret Over What You Cannot Control

And most often, it is the things that we cannot control that we fret most about. But how about looking at the bigger picture and focus on the things that you can control instead. For example, a friend of mine was diagnosed with cancer and instead of fretting over the illness, her husband has been trying hard to improve her current way of life by bringing her on holidays and changing her diet for the better.

6. Slow Down For A Bit

Psychologist, Tony Bernhard, mentioned that slowing down when your stress level is high can help reduce that stress. Give it a try when you’re thinking, surfing the internet or cleaning the house and slow it down to the point of slow motion and you will experience the stress sliding out form you.

Featured photo credit: Positive Mindset via businessmindsunited.com

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How To Stop Negative Thinking: 6 Ways To Fine-Tune Your Mind

If you are prone to negative thinking, you may feel as though this is an innate quality which will impact on you throughout your life. It is this misconception that drags many people down in their lives, as they allow negative thoughts to consume them and overwhelm their mind-set.

In fact, negative thinking is a habit that can be challenged and changed through knowledge, strategy and behaviour. As we understand the cause of our negativity and change the way in which we perceive situations, we can develop a more positive outlook that delivers huge rewards in our personal and professional lives!

6 ways in which you can stop negative thinking

So, here are six simple and actionable ways in which you can stop negative thinking and develop more positive behavioural habits:

1. Develop a consistent sleeping cycle

Negative thinking is a symptom of depression, and as such it is often exacerbated by a lack of sleep or an irregular sleeping cycle. The link between negativity, depression and sleep deprivation has been explored at length during numerous scientific studies, including the 2005 Sleep in America pools which discovered that subjects diagnosed with depression or anxiety were more likely to sleep less than six hours each night.

To negate this and ensure that you are well-rested, you should commit to developing a healthy and sustainable sleep cycle over a prolonged period of time. This must enable you to achieve a full eight-hour sleep every evening, so create a routine based on the time that you need to rise for work in the morning.

2. Write down your Negative Thoughts in a Journal

The issue with negative thoughts is that they are usually formless and ambiguous in our minds, making them hard to quantify or resolve through verbal reasoning. They can also hide the real source of our angst, so it is important that we are able to process these thoughts and understand their various triggers.

The best way to achieve this is to write down your negative thoughts in a journal, translating them into words and affording them actual meanings. Start by recording your thoughts quickly and directly, as you focus on expressing yourself rather than attempting to phrase your thoughts logically. Once they have been committed to paper, you can then begin to review them and identify specific triggers or common themes.

This process also helps you to develop the habit of expressing your thoughts in an open manner, making it easier to manage relationships and resolve inter-personal issues.

3. Stop thinking in extremes

Life is far from black and white, and those of a rational mind-set are able to factor this into their everyday thought processes. The same cannot be said for those who are prone to negative thinking, however, as these individuals tend to think in extremes and imagine the worst case scenarios when they are faced with a problem.

Unfortunately, this prevents you from embracing the subtle nuances of life and considering the positives that can be drawn from any situation.

In this respect, the key to challenging a negative mind-set does not lie in contriving a forced and completely positive mind-set. Instead, you should consider the various positive and negative possibilities that exist within any given scenario, committing these to paper and creating a list that can guide your thought processes. This will instantly afford your brain viable alternatives to the extreme negative, without forcing you to suddenly alter your mind-set in a moment.

4. Deal with facts and stop mind-reading

On a similar note, negative thinking also makes you incapable of dealing with any kinds of uncertainty. So when you are placed in a stressful or unfamiliar situation that has a potentially negative outcome, you have a tendency to pre-empt certain events and apply meanings to them without any significant facts. This can be described as mind-reading, and it is only likely to foster further negativity.

This can be easily resolved with a change in behaviour, as you look to gather facts and details relating to the situation and use these to make an informed judgement. The key is to start with a scenario and state all of the logical explanations in order of their relevance, using either a pen and paper or verbal reasoning. If a friend has not replied to a text immediately, for example, this could be due to a number of reasons such as their battery dying, their presence in a meeting at work or the fact that their handset is on silent and the message has not been read.

By listing these realistic explanations, you can avoid the temptation to pre-empt negative outcomes and react impulsively. Over time, experience will also teach you that logical and reasonable explanations are usually more likely than the worst-case scenarios which play on your mind.

5. Accentuate the positive and embrace it when it does happen

One of the main issues with negative thinking is that it clouds your judgement at all times, even when a scenario ends with a positive outcome. This can either cause you to minimise the positive outcome and the impact that it has in your mind or prevent you from seeing any positivity at all.

Let’s say that you are afforded a pay-rise at work, for example, but one that is lower than some of your colleagues. Instead of focusing solely on this single negative element, it is far better to celebrate the offer of a pay-rise in the first instance and recognise the fact that there are others who have received less. This introduces perspective to any situation and provides definitive facts to contrast your negative thoughts.

Perception is the key here, as you look to view negative occurrences as temporary and specific rather than permanent and pervasive. Instantly look to balance a negative thought or observation with a contrasting positive, as this will enable you to get into the habit of developing a far greater sense of perspective.

6. Re-frame your circumstances and actively seek out positives

While there are scenarios that clearly deliver both positive and negative effects, there are others that may be instantly perceived as being wholly negative. This is the worst nightmare for anyone who is prone to negative thinking, as they are presented with a situation which feeds their pessimistic mind-set and offers no immediate hope of resolution.

You may be at an airport when your flight is delayed, for example, which is a negative scenario that forces you to panic and consider a number of opportunities that you may be missing out on.

The way to resolve this is to actively seek out positives, initially by re-framing the circumstances and reconsidering a perceived problem as a potential opportunity. So rather then focusing on what you may be missing out on, why not list the other things that you can achieve while waiting for your flight? Whether you complete work tasks or enjoy some relaxed retail therapy, the key is to distract yourself from negative thoughts by searching for positive resolutions and optimising your time.

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How To Give Constructive Criticism To Educate Your Kids

Parenting 5.0 – how to conduct constructive criticism to educate your children. This, in my personal opinion, is extremely crucial in building and shaping your children’s future. It is important because your criticism and your behaviour will greatly influence the life of your children.

Children hardly forget things, words and people. Often, many children, between the age four to six, tend to be sensitive towards everything happening around them. For example, my son, who is four years old, is quite sensitive. If we scold him, he reacts in a negative manner. We have to be very cautious in dealing with him in order to correct his mistakes, and we correct him through constructive criticism.

What is constructive criticism?

Constructive criticism is criticism without judgement that is expressed in a friendly manner, and is valued to be reasonable, logical and effective. These opinions are based on an individual’s work and have the blending of both positive and negative observations. The main purpose of constructive criticism is to improve the result of the individual’s work. For example, when you cook a meal for the first time, you ask your partner for their opinions. Instead of simply hearing, “This tastes so heavenly”, you would rather prefer constructive criticism like “Just add a little bit of salt and bake it for another 10 minutes, I think it’ll taste better”. As much as this is applicable to you, it is equally important to apply this to educate your children.

How to provide constructive criticism to your children?

When we see our kids doing something wrong or dangerous, we often scold them straight away. But please remember that raising voices, calling them names, or even threatening them are not the ideal ways to bring up your kids. Blaming your children may instantly vent your anger and frustration, but this will hamper your relationship with them in the long-term. For example, if your kids refuse to listen to you and do something opposing, instead of yelling at them and calling them ‘stupid’, you can simply say, “I don’t like what you are doing because it may hurt you. Kindly stop doing it because I love you.”

Does this kind of constructive criticism help? Yes, it does. It highlights what is right and what is wrong in a positive manner, and it should be like the hamburger below formed by compliment and criticism.

Here are 6 ways in which you can educate your kid with constructive criticism:

1. Point out the problem by using descriptive statement instead of language with judgement

As I have previously mentioned, there is no point in scolding your kids for their mistakes. It will only worsen the situation. Using language with judgement, such as ‘how stupid you are’, or ‘you are behaving like a maniac’ won’t help either. The best solution is to recognize your kids’ previous effort and achievement first and then explain to them about their problems in an objective manner. For instance, if you are disappointed with your boy’s test result in Mathematics, instead of scolding him, tell him “I understand you are good at other subjects, but not Maths. Don’t worry, just practice harder. I think you will achieve a better result next time. If you have any problems in your learning, I can talk to your teacher or I’ll help you with it. I hope to see you having some improvement in the next test.”

2. Figure out the root of the problem before criticising

It is important to figure out the root of the problem and it is your duty to do so. It would be easier for you to explain to your child what has gone wrong. Think twice or as many times as you need before you express your dissatisfaction or anger. Your constructive criticism is always more useful than emotional outburst. Let’s continue with your boy’s Maths problem. Maybe he has some problems in the class. Maybe he’s nervous during the test. Just dig deep to find out the root cause and come up with corresponding solutions. Good problem-solving skills are what all parents have to master.

3. Control your anger

Don’t let your anger take the upper hand. You are dealing with a child, not an adult. Remember, children have feelings too. No one likes hearing criticism in an a hostile manner. Next time before you lose your temper, try not to talk to your child. Take time, calm down, even if it takes hours. Only approach your kids when you become even-tempered. You must have a controlled, loving tone when talking to your children.

4. Tell your children about the consequences of their mistakes

Another important point is to only criticise about the wrongdoing, but not your child. When you are delivering your criticism, make sure your kids understand that what distresses you is their behaviour but not themselves. For example, if your children get hooked to television or tablet, tell them that you are worried because watching too much may lead to troubled eyesights. Explain to them that you wouldn’t like them to be wearing glasses. Guide them to get involved in different activities that will keep their mind activated.

5. Be clear about your criticism

Before you start criticizing your beloved small ones, make sure you know what to deliver. If you hesitate, your children may misinterpret the message. Your aim is to educate your child, not to embarrass or punish them. Think before you deliver.

6. Give your children an opportunity to correct themselves

Be it failing in school or misbehaving, the ultimate goal of constructive criticism is to prompt your children to realize their mistakes and make corresponding corrections. In this way, your kids will learn to take responsibilities of their own actions in the future.

Raising kids is not an easy task. Through constructive criticism, you can shape a better and more successful future of your children.

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Appearance And Common Values Are Not That Important, According To The Data Collected

Your image of the perfect date may go something like this: A peaceful evening with a handsome man or a beautiful woman at your favorite quaint restaurant. The food is delicious and the conversation is enjoyable. You find that you have a lot of common values and interests.

If this is your assumption, then you may want to think again. A recent article that talks about the dating website OkCupid has shown that good looks and core values don’t have any effect on one’s dating experience.

How The Experiment Was Launched

The App: “Crazy Blind Date”

“Love is Blind Day” was launched by OkCupid on January 15, 2013; on this day all the user’s profile pictures were hidden from view. The day was held in as a promotion for a new mobile app called Crazy Blind Date. The app would send users on a blind date where the only thing they knew about their dating partners were their names.

Interesting Findings

Approximately 10,000 people used the app. As there was a post-date questionnaire interesting data about blind dates was collected. Christian Rudder, the co-founder of OKCupid and author of the book Dataclysm reveals that people generally like blind dates and, this is the interesting part, looks and how attractive a person was did not matter.

Rudder states: “The two people’s looks had almost no effect on whether they had a good time. No matter which person was better-looking or by how much—even in cases where one blind-dater was a knockout and the other rather homely—the percent of people giving the dates a positive rating was constant.”

So the attractiveness of a person did not affect the level of enjoyment experienced by the two people on the date.

What We Think We Like vs What We Really Like

What is not surprising is that when profile pictures are available people will choose to go on dates with good looking people. This may, however, not be doing them any favors as looks itself seems does not equate with having a good time. So what we think we will like and what we actually like may be two distinct things. This idea is explored by Rudder in his book Dataclysm.

Sam McNerney explains:
“Dataclysm is a book about a curious aspect of human behavior: the rift between what we think we’ll like, and what we actually like—what we say versus what we actually feel and do.”

Are common core values important?

Many people, when asked, will say that for a relationship to be successful both people need to share the same core values. For example, if someone is an avid vegan they are less likely to go out with a meat eater. However, core values may play a more minor role than we think.

Rudder says that the answer to mundane icebreakers such as “Do you like scary movies?” and “Have you ever traveled alone to another country?” can indicate if a relationship will last or not. If both couples have the same answers, be it yes or no, the relationship is likely to stand the test of time.

Summation

So next time you go on a date with someone perhaps you should consider going with an unexpected choice. You may like to consider someone who, in your eyes, is ordinary looking or someone who has different values to your own. Going against your instincts may yield surprising and positive results. You may find yourself enjoying the date to a greater extent than you would have ever anticipated. As Steve Jobs said: a lot of times we don’t know what we want until we experience it.

Featured photo credit: Huffington post via huffingtonpost.ca

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Kendra Wilkinson Destroyed Holly Madison On Twitter In NSFW-ish Way (14 pics)

Both Kendra Wilkinson and Holly Madison were on the E! reality television series The Girls Next Door and dated Hugh Hefner. The two have been feuding for years. However, after Holly Madison’s interview where she talked about Hugh not in a very good way Kendra just fired back with NSFW tweets.

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