if you like you can follow me on instagram too

»generation after generation« by anatol knotek


»four roses« by anatol knotek


»nothing lasts forever« by anatol knotek


»human right$« by anatol knotek


»fine again« by anatol knotek








»mou & ye« by anatol knotek


»append« by anatol knotek

if you like you can follow me on instagram too

»invention of a landscape« by fred eerdekens (+)

»invention of a landscape« by fred eerdekens (+)

Reef Dive Resort at MatakingA luxury island resort in the...

Reef Dive Resort at Mataking

A luxury island resort in the Celebes Sea, this lovely place is only a 40-minute boat ride from Semporna, Malaysia, and comprises 37 accommodation units, from comfortable garden view rooms and traditionally designed chalets to wonderful beach villas with private open-air Jacuzzis.

Ideal for divers, honeymooners and anyone in between, The Reef Dive Resort at Mataking offers over 30 dive sites, sensual spa treatments, and a plethora of activities to choose from. Their seafront restaurant serves both Malaysian specialties as well as delicious international cuisine.

TripAdvisor

8 Things That Only People with Inner Confidence Know

At 3 1/2 my daughter climbed the countertops for a box of cheerios and a bowl.  She was valiantly attempting to prepare her breakfast.  I was incredibly threatened, “How after only a few short years, could this totally dependent being could already need me less?”

In his 1843 essay titled “Self-Reliance”, Ralph Waldo Emerson wrote about this basic human need for individuals to follow their own instincts and ideas in life. Liberating,right??!! Intimidating,Yes!!!  My daughter’s innate drive for self-reliance and trusty individualism was a huge test for what Emerson coined as, “Trust Thyself”. If you are one of those people who have this type of inner confidence, naturally you most likely don’t depend on others. Here are 8 things those who don’t depend on others would understand.

1.  You Have Strong Values

Whether it’s your disposition, experience, or some combination of the two, you’ve learned that truth is your religion.  You live by values which naturally flow from the inner confidence and core of who you are.  These values are the unshakable foundation from which you derive your sense of confidence.  Those who don’t depend others to make determinations in life, are aware that truth comes from within and you use this fundamental truth to relate to the world, solve problems and set goals.

2.  You Don’t Depend On Others To Make Decisions

Reserving the right to make your own decisions maintains your autonomy and independence in a world full of potential choices. Others may not agree or understand your strong “pursuit of happiness“, however there is no shame in following your instincts in discovering your path in life. Of course, it is important to be kind while asserting yourself, however it is not necessary to give into to an expectation that does not fit with what you desire.

3.  You Know What You Want

Those who don’t depend on others are self-reliant and are fully aware of their direction in life due to inner confidence. You have have short and long term goals set that are realistic and attainable. You can often be labeled as stubborn, defiant, or bull-headed by family members and peers but you consider it to be inner confidence. However, because of a strong drive and sense of what is right for you; following your intuition rather than group consensus is all the direction you require. You staunchly express independent thinking in support of your own ideas and opinions.

4.  You Are Informed

In knowing what you want, your thirst for knowledge helps you effortlessly move forward in life. Information is your life’s light saber; illuminating the path in the presence of uncertainty or influence. Although these are not common experiences for those who don’t depend on others, they are human experiences. Being informed keeps you well-rounded so the pressures of conformity can easily roll off and advocacy for self and others is one of your highly respected character traits.

5.  You Are Seemingly Quiet

Quiet is not an accurate description, but that’s how others may experience you, however you are most likely engaging in quiet observation. Observation is a necessary tool in figuring things out.  You stop, look and listen, while you observe your own as well as others’ thoughts and actions in an attempt to determine how to authentically relate to the situation. You don’t depend on the lead of others to fit in.

6.   You are Okay With Making Mistakes

Those who don’t depend on others, typically don’t seek validation so making a mistake is no big deal.   You fully accept  the learning curve in life.  As an independent person you have a “bring it on” attitude when it comes to figuring it out, knowing that mistakes lead to greater understanding. What’s the worst that can happen, right? Some of this world’s greatest entrepreneurs  have confronted their deepest fears only to ultimately end up right where they belong — all because of inner confidence that carried them along.

7.  You Don’t Need a Plan

Because you are resolute in your values, have identified goals, are keen in observation, and at ease with learning as you go; you let these principles guide you in your journey. Your infinite wealth of positive and negative experience provides proof that it all works out, because sometimes climbing the counter for Cheerios results in a tumble. However, you understand that a tumble is a part of success. Not needing a plan allows you to benefit from the trial and error in life because independent people thrive on learning through action.

 8. You Assume Responsibility

How would any of this be possible if you weren’t a pro at taking responsibility? When self-reliant people don’t depend on others, they don’t point the finger, its just not an option. You assume ownership in all areas of your life, but you don’t beat yourself up for not being perfect. When independent people take responsibility it’s not just for all of the extrinsic stuff; they take responsibility for themselves as well, knowing that respect and trust in “thyself” is key.

Featured photo credit: Beautiful girl in forest turning her back by Viktor Hanicek via picjumbo.com

The post 8 Things That Only People with Inner Confidence Know appeared first on Lifehack.

from Lifehack http://ift.tt/1OWerhG

How To Share With the World, Even About Mental Illness

My hand jerked back, as if the computer mouse had turned into a real mouse. Would they think I am crazy? Would they whisper behind my back? Would they never trust me again? These anxious thoughts ran through my head as I was about to make a post revealing my mental illness to my Facebook friends.

Whenever the thought of telling others about my mental illness entered my mind, I felt a wave of anxiety pass through me. My head began to pound, my heart sped up, my breathing became fast and shallow, almost like I was suffocating. If I didn’t catch it in time, the anxiety could lead to a full-blown panic attack, or sudden and extreme fatigue, with my body collapsing in place. Not a pretty picture.

For 6 months, I had been suffering from a mood disorder characterized by high anxiety, sudden and extreme fatigue, and panic attacks. I really wanted to share much earlier. It would have felt great to be genuinely authentic with people in my life, and not hide who I am. Plus, I would have been proud to contribute to overcoming the stigma against mental illness in our society, especially since this stigma impacts me on such a personal level.

My Own Anxiety

Ironically, the very stigma against mental illness, combined with my own excessive anxiety response, made it very hard for me to share. I was really anxious about whether friends and acquaintances would turn away from me. I was also very concerned about the impact on my professional career of sharing publicly, due to the stigma in academia against mental illness, including at my workplace.

Still, I did eventually start discussing my mental illness with some very close friends who I was very confident would support me. And one conversation really challenged my mental map, in other words how I perceive reality, about sharing my story of mental illness.

My friend told me something that really struck me, namely his perspective about how great would it be if all people who needed professional help with their mental health actually went to get such help. One of the main obstacles, as research shows, is the stigma against mental health. We discussed how one of the best ways to deal with such stigma is for well-functioning people with mental illness to come out of the closet about their condition.

Well, I am one of these well-functioning people. I have a great job and do it well, have wonderful relationships, and participate in all sorts of civic activities. The vast majority of people who know me don’t realize I suffer from a mental illness.

Forcing Myself to Think About It

That conversation motivated me to think seriously through the roadblocks thrown up by the emotional part of my brain. Previously, I never sat down for a few minutes and forced myself to think what good things might happen if I pushed past all the anxiety and stress of telling people in my life about my mental illness.

I realized that my mind was just flinching away, scared of the short-term pain of experiencing anxiety and stress of sharing about my condition. This flinching away prevented me from really thinking clearly about the long-term benefits to me and to others of sharing my story of making the kind of difference I wanted to make in the world and being authentic with people in my life. I recognized that I might be falling for a thinking error that scientists call hyperbolic discounting, a reluctance to make short-term sacrifices for much higher long-term rewards.

To combat this problem, I imagined what world I wanted to live in a year from now – one where I shared about this situation now on my Facebook profile, or one where I did not. This approach is based on research showing that future-oriented thinking is very helpful for dealing with thinking errors associated with focusing on the present.

In the world where I would share right now about my condition, I would in the short term be anxious about what people think of me after they find out. Anytime I saw someone who found out for the first time, I would be afraid about the impact on that person’s opinion of me. I would be watching her or his behavior closely for signs of distancing from me. And this would not only be my anxiety: I was quite confident that some people would not want to associate with me due to my mental illness. However, over time, this close watching and anxious thinking would diminish. All the people who knew me previously would find out. All new people who met me would learn about my condition, since I would not keep it a secret. I would make the kind of difference I wanted to make in the world by fighting mental stigma in our society. Just as important, it would be a huge burden off my back to not hide myself and be authentic with people in my life. This would be a great benefit to me in the long term.

Imagining the Alternative

I imagined a second world. I would continue to hide my mental health condition from everyone but a few close friends. I would not be making the kind of impact on our society that I knew I would be able to make. I would always have to keep this secret under wraps, and worry about people finding out about it. I would always be stressed about hiding my true self, always worried about people somehow finding out, always and feeling like a hypocrite. Always regretting the chance to make the kind of impact I knew I could make. Moreover, likely people would find out about it anyway, whether if I chose to share about it or some other way, and I would get all the negative consequences later.

I shuddered when I imagined that kind of life. With that shudder, I knew that the first world was much more attractive to me. So I decided to take the plunge, and made a plan to share about the situation publicly. As part of doing so, I made that Facebook post. I had such a good reaction from my Facebook friends that I decided to make the post publicly available on my Facebook to all, not only my friends. Moreover, I decided to become an activist in talking about my mental condition publicly, as in this essay that you are reading. I also published articles about my condition in prominent academic media channels (Inside Higher Ed and Diverse: Issues In Higher Education) to challenge the stigma against mental illness in academia. I also shared my story with a local newspaper, to raise awareness of mental health and deal with stigma against mental illness.

What can you do?

So how can you apply this story to your life? Whether you want to come out of the closet to people in your life about some unpleasant news, or more broadly overcome the short-term emotional pain of taking an action that would help you achieve your long-term goals, here are some strategies.

1. Consider the world where you want to live a year from now. What would the world look like if you take the action? What would it look like if you did not take the action?
2. Evaluate all the important costs and benefits of each world. What world looks the most attractive a year from now?
3. Decide on the actions needed to get to that world, make a plan, and take the plunge. Be flexible about revising your plan based on new information such as reactions from others, as I did regarding sharing about my own condition.

Featured photo credit: Coming Out via flickr.com

The post How To Share With the World, Even About Mental Illness appeared first on Lifehack.

from Lifehack http://ift.tt/20z3Deu

The Secret To Giving Wisely

It feels great to see hope light up in the eyes of a beggar in the street as you stop to look at them when others pass them by without a glance. Their faces widen in a smile as you reach into your pocket and take out your wallet. “Thank you so much” is such a heartwarming phrase to hear from them as you pull out five bucks and put the money in the hat in front of them. You walk away with your heart beaming as you imagine them getting a nice warm meal at McDonalds due to your generosity.

Yet you can multiply that positive experience manifold! Imagine that when you give five dollars, you don’t give just to one person, but to seven people. When you reach into your pocket, you see seven smiles. When you put the money in the hat, you hear seven people say “Thank you so much.”

You can get that benefit through giving directly to people in the developing world. We don’t see those seven people in front of us and thus we don’t pay attention to the impact we can have on them, a thinking error called attentional bias. Yet if we know about this thinking error, we can solve what is known as the “drowning child problem” in charitable giving, namely not intuitively valuing the children who are drowning out of our sight. If we keep in our minds that there are poor people in the developing world, just like the poor person we see on the street in front of us, we can remember that our generosity can make a very high impact, much more impact per dollar than in the US, in developing countries through our direct giving.

GiveDirectly is a nonprofit that enables you to give directly to poor people in East Africa. It provides direct cash transfers to poor people who live on an average of $.65 per day. You certainly can’t buy a McDonald’s meal for that, but $.65 goes far in East Africa.

GiveDirectly locates poor people who can benefit most from cash transfers, enrolls them in its program, and then provides each household with about a thousand dollars to spend as it wishes. The large size of this cash transfer results in a much bigger impact than a small donation. Moreover, since the cash transfer is unconditional, the poor person can have true dignity and spend it on whatever most benefits them.

Helida, for example, used the cash transfer she got to build a new house. You wouldn’t intuitively think that was most useful thing for her to do, would you? But this is what she needed most. She was happy that as a result of the cash transfer “I have a metal roof over my head and I can safely store my farm produce without worries.” She is now much more empowered to take care of herself and her large family.

What a wonderful outcome of GiveDirectly’s work! Can you imagine building a new house in the United States on a thousand dollars? Well, this is why your direct donations go a lot further in East Africa.

With GiveDirectly, you can be much more confident about the outcome of your generosity. I know that when I give to a homeless person, a part of me always wonders whether he will spend the money on a bottle of cheap vodka. This is why I really appreciate that GiveDirectly keeps in touch and follows up with the people enrolled in its programs. They are scrupulous about sharing the consequences of their giving, so you know what you are getting by your generous gifts.

GiveDirectly is back by rigorous evidence. They conduct multiple randomized control studies of their impact, a gold standard of evidence. The research shows that cash transfer recipients have much better health and lives as a result of the transfer, much more than most types of anti-poverty interventions. Its evidence-based approach is why GiveDirectly is highly endorsed by well-respected charity evaluators such as GiveWell and The Life You Can Save, which are part of the Effective Altruist movement that strives to figure out the best research-informed means to do the most good per dollar.

So next time you pass someone begging on the street, think about GiveDirectly, since you can get seven times as much impact, for your emotional self and for the world as a whole. What I do myself is each time I choose to give to a homeless person, I set aside the same amount of money to donate through GiveDirectly. That way, I get to see the smile and hear the “thank you” in person, and also know that I can make a much more impactful gift as well. Whatever you choose, aim to supercharge your generosity to achieve your giving goals!

Featured photo credit: Confidence via flickr.com

The post The Secret To Giving Wisely appeared first on Lifehack.

from Lifehack http://ift.tt/1nUC1CH

8 Ways To Turn Stress Into Your Friend

We all face stress at one time or another. But, have you ever imagined taking stress and turning it in your favor? Wouldn’t it be great if you could cope with the all of the stressful challenges you’re put through in life by using that stress to thrive?

Stress comes in different forms. Sometimes it’s minor, like a flat tire or being late for work. Other times it’s major, and is caused by life-changing events such as the death of a relative, a divorce, or a large personal loss. However, the best thing to do is not to overthink things but to shift the way you handle stress and move forward. Check out these eight ways to turn stress into your friend:

1. Unplug yourself

Everything in our lives seems to keep us connected or holds us back. If you are stressed, all you need to do is unplug yourself from your daily routine and live your life. Get out of your house for a day, but leave behind your cell phone and don’t check your email. Give yourself a break and see how it can do wonders in your life. Disconnecting yourself from all the daily activities you’ve been doing will give you time to ‘re-charge’ and be yourself.

2. Share

Stress can make you feel weak, and if you feel burnt out you need to talk about it. It can be with your partner, your parents, your boss, or anyone you are comfortable with. It’s also been said that sharing a problem is like cutting it in half. Talking to your closest friends will help you with motivation and will generate ideas on how you can move forward. It will also clarify your problem and open doors for different opportunities that you may not have noticed before.

3. Sleep

In order to keep yourself healthy both physically and mentally, you need to get good sleep. Make sure you rest for at least 8 hours a day so that you can take the time to reflect and relax. There’s no need to rush. A proper rest will also clear out any negative thoughts that have been bothering you as well.

4. Keep moving

Lying around while you are stressed out is only going to make you feel worse. You need to get up and move in order to reduce your stress level and keep yourself calm. Make a daily exercise routine or join a gym. You need to push yourself in order to achieve what you desire.

5. Focus

Stress drains your energy and destroys your desire to work. All you need to do is focus on different aspects of your problem and take your time to work through it. If stress gives you trouble, think about your life differently and concoct new ways on how you can deal with it. Focus on different issues that you are going through, make a checklist, and start finding ways on how you can solve them.

6. Accept that some things can’t be changed

It’s often best to accept the conventional wisdom that there’s no way to change the past. The best thing to do is accept the fact that everything happens for a reason and that some things are unchangeable. Learn to stop wasting time and energy fretting over past mistakes. What’s gone is never going to come back, so start living with what you have and seek new opportunities in life.

7. Develop a positive attitude

Hanging on to your mistakes and feeling guilty all the time creates negative energy that can decimate your confidence. If you are stressed because of the mistakes that you’ve made, you don’t need to feel drained and frustrated. Seek help if you can’t make things right alone. Develop a positive attitude and try to let go of negative emotional anchors that simply drag you down. Learn new skills and do things that make you happy.

8. Create a new perspective

Stress can help you see life differently. For example, if you had a divorce and are stressed out by loneliness, go to parties, make new friends, and try to find people who you can enjoy life with. Maybe you and your previous partner were not meant to be together, and chances are you can find your true north if you move on. Learn from your mistakes and improve yourself; success is not far away if you change and start seeing things differently.

“You must learn to let go. Release the stress. You were never in control anyway.” ― Steve Maraboli

Featured photo credit: Shivmirthyu via pixabay.com

The post 8 Ways To Turn Stress Into Your Friend appeared first on Lifehack.

from Lifehack http://ift.tt/1KgQItH

How Mentally Strong People Make Wise Decisions

On a sunny day in early August, my wife Agnes Vishnevkin and I came to a Rationality Dojo in Columbus, OH. Run by Max Harms, this group is devoted to growing mentally stronger through mental fitness practices. That day, the dojo’s activities focused on probabilistic thinking, a practice of assigning probabilities to our intuitive predictions about the world to improve our ability to evaluate reality accurately, and make wise decisions to reach our goals. After learning the principles of probabilistic thinking, we discussed how to apply this strategy to everyday life.

We were so grateful for this practice in early September, when my wife and I started shopping for our new house. We discussed in advance the specific goals we had for the house, enabling us to save a lot of time by narrowing our options. We then spent one day visiting a number of places we liked, rating each aspect of the house important to us on a numerical scale. After visiting all these places, we sat down and discussed the probabilities on what house would best meet our goals. The math made it much easier to overcome our individual aesthetic preferences, and focus on what would make us happiest in the long run. We settled on our top choice, made a bid, and signed our contract.
This sounds like a dry and not very exciting process. Well, we were very excited!

Why? Because we were confident that we made the best decision with the information available to us. The decision to get a new house is one of the biggest financial decisions we will make in our lifetime. It felt great to know that we could not have done any better than we did through applying the principles of probabilistic thinking and other rationality-informed strategies. Of course, we could still be wrong, there are no guarantees in life. Yet we know we did the best we could – we grew less wrong.

These strategies are vital for improving our thinking because our brains are inherently irrational. Research in psychology, cognitive neuroscience, behavioral economics, and other fields from the middle of the twentieth century has discovered hundreds of thinking errors, called cognitive biases. These thinking errors cause us to make flawed decisions – in finances, relationships, health and well-being, politics, etc.

Recently, popular books by scholars such as Daniel Kahneman, Dan Ariely, Chip and Dan Heath, and other scholars have brought these problems from the halls of academia to the attention of the broad public. However, these books have not focused on how we can address these problems in everyday life.

So far, the main genre dedicated to popularizing strategies to improve our patterns of thinking, feeling, and behavior patterns has been in the field of self-improvement. Unfortunately, self-improvement is rarely informed by science, and instead relies on personal experience and inspiring stories. While such self-improvement activities certainly help many, it is hard to tell whether the impact comes from the actual effectiveness of the specific activities or a placebo effect due to people being inspired to work on improving themselves.

However, research in the last decade, from Keith Stanovich, Hal Arkes, and others revealed that we can fix our thinking, sometimes with a single training. For example, my own research and writing shows how people can learn to reach their long-term goals and find their life meaning and purpose using science-based strategies. This scientific approach does not guarantee the right decision, but it is the best method we currently have, and will improve in the future with more research.

Yet a budding movement called Rationality has been going through the complex academic materials and adapting them to everyday life, as exemplified by Rationality Dojo. This small movement has relatively few public outlets. The website LessWrong is dedicated to high-level discussions of strategies to improve thinking patterns and ClearerThinking offers some online courses on improving decision making. The Center for Applied Rationality offers intense in-person workshops for entrepreneurs and founders.

For example, if I want to exercise more, I would take a rational approach to it. Rather than just a vague resolution, I would outline my specific goals for exercising, such as decreasing my weight by 20 percent. I would then evaluate the various exercises to see which ones targeted weight loss, and commit to one. I would then set up mechanisms to motivate me, such as publicly announcing my intentions, creating a social commitment to go with a friend, tracking the times I go, and rewarding myself for each successful visit.

As another example, say I wanted to become a more moral person and do more good in the world. I would evaluate specific steps to do so, such as giving more to charity. After making that determination, I would set aside a specific sum of money per year to give to charity, for instance 10 percent of my income. Next, I would research what are the charities that do the most good for my dollar in a cause area I am most passionate about, such as education. For the last step, I would choose a charity that I see as doing the most good and donate that money.

All of these steps are informed by specific research-based strategies for making and implementing decisions rationally to maximize the possibility of achieving our goals. You do not have to be nudged by policy makers and CEOs. Instead, you can be intentional and use rationality to make the best decisions for your own goals! Consider how much you can benefit from adopting similar strategies, and share this article with others so that they can benefit as well: they will be grateful to you.

Featured photo credit: Decisions via flickr.com

The post How Mentally Strong People Make Wise Decisions appeared first on Lifehack.

from Lifehack http://ift.tt/20z3CY3