ditadinho: 10/27/15

5 Mental Health Hacks

Fall is a foreboding time for people with mental health issues. It means that winter, the coldest, darkest and often most depressing season, is on its way. You need all the mental health hacks you can find to help you through that tough period. There are a lot of things I’ve learned on my own through my trials as someone with mental health issues, and I thought I would share them here. Below are the five mental health hacks that have had very positive impacts on my life and livelihood.

1. Put medication in an obvious place

Taking your medication at the right time radically changes how you feel for the rest of the day. Since forgetting to take it has huge consequences, put it somewhere you know you won’t miss it. That can be on your sink next to your eyewear, in the cupboard next to the cereal, in your car or at your office. It’s amazing how easily a horrid day can be avoided with a few small pills.

2. Ask yourself if there’s anything you can do to be happier

It sounds obvious that you should figure out ways to improve our spirits, but our culture is more geared to the abstract concept of “success” than the more easily definable happiness. If you’re feeling unhappy, you should simply think about why you’re unhappy and see what you can do to remove what’s causing you distress. Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) gets in the way of my well-being, but when I recognize that I’m able to force myself to not be as concerned with the organization of my bookshelf and just do what I really want to be doing. Pinpoint what’s causing you angst, and spend some time thinking about how you can avoid it.

3. Surround yourself with things that make you happy

This is another seemingly obvious trick, but it is not as frequently used as it should be. The bookshelf in my home office is home to my favorite and most uplifting books (mostly all-ages stories) as well as plush toys of some of my all-time favorite characters. An empty workspace or bedroom or living room is depressing. Decorate it with bobble heads of you favorite entertainers, pictures of your family and friends, etc. There is a plethora of memorabilia and mementos out there that will remind you of what’s good in life.

4. Make a list of ways you can feel better

I have a relatively long list saved into a document of what I can do to feel better, divided into two sections. One is the obvious stuff, like taking my meds and supplements, eating healthy and exercising. The other section is devoted to media that puts me in a cheery mood, such as the alway-positive, always-hilarious Parks and Recreation and my favorite movie about young adults with mental health issues It’s Kind of a Funny Story. Take an hour or two to figure out what puts you in good spirits so that you can turn to that list when you’re feeling down.

5. Keep a well-being journal

By tracking how you’re feeling throughout the day you can identify what is causing your emotional dips. A digital diary like Evernote or plain old pen and paper can prove invaluable in documenting what puts you in a negative mode, helping you understand what you can do differently in the future.

There you go. A few quick tips on how your mental health can possible improve in a dramatic way. They’ve done quite a bit to make my life better and more hopeful. I hope they work for you as well as they’ve worked for me!

Featured photo credit: Nathan Csonka via flickr.com

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3 Things People With Depression and Thoughts of Suicide Should Know

On July 14, 2014, Conrad Roy killed himself after reaching out to someone when he was fighting thoughts of suicide. The local authorities released a series of text messages between him and his girlfriend at the time, Michelle Carter. Unfortunately, instead of helping, she encouraged him to kill himself and then held an fundraiser to honor his death. If Conrad was given either words of encouragement or hope when he went to the person he trusted the most, maybe this situation would have had a different outcome. (You can find more about the case here.)

Here are some points that people with depression and thoughts of suicide should know.

1. Your thoughts matter.

You may not always feel like it, they do. There are many people in the world that care what you are thinking about and your opinion on things. They don’t have to be thoughts on big decisions like buying a house — but it’s the small things that count, right? Even your laughter at a dumb joke means the world to someone in your life.

Everything that you do on a daily basis: the kind things you say, the smiles you flash people, and the conversations you have based on the thoughts that are going on up there in your noggin, shows that you matter. Your thoughts matter because a spark of an idea in your brain may turn into research for a new treatment for a disease, or may relay a song that someone holds onto when they’re contemplating taking their own life.

2. You will always have at least one person to talk to.

I know there are times when you feel alone, but you are not. There is always someone that will be there to talk to you if you need them. There are plenty of people dedicated to volunteering their time to help out. There are places like Lifeline which offers the option to either call or chat depending on what is easier and best for you when you feel like you don’t have anyone to talk to about your thoughts about suicide. There are also hotlines if you are feeling depressed; you can find the list here. Most of these organizations depend on volunteers, so they want to be there for you and they want to hear what you have to say.

They are there because they want to be, not because they have to be.

3. By staying alive, you encourage others that aren’t as strong to stay alive as well.

There was a study done in 2014 that shows that a parent who committed suicide while their child was under the age of 18 increased the likelihood of the child committing or attempting to commit suicide in the future. By staying strong throughout your depression, you are able to give your child the strength to carry on as well. (You can read more about the study here.)

Remember, as Josh Billings once said: “Life consists not in holding good cards but in playing those you hold well”. Even if you are not a parent, there are people in your life that consider you a strong person. They may not say it out loud, but they think that if you are going through what you have to each day, then they can keep going too. Your strength is strength for those who do not have as much as you.

No matter what you are going through or how alone you feel, there will always be someone out there that cares and that is willing to spend the time to talk to you. According to Save.org there is one suicide in the U.S. every 13 minutes. I hope that by knowing these three things, that you do not become a part of that statistic.

Your thoughts, your emotions and your life matters.

Featured photo credit: 98 Browse more: abstract, blowball, blowing, dandelion, girl, nature, sunbeams, sunnyTest Drive image Take a look how this image can be used! Girl Blowing Blowball/Dandelion- Viktor Hanacek via picjumbo.com

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The Truth Is That You Probably Can’t Tell Expensive Wine is Better

Many people think that the only good wine is expensive wine. Unfortunately, not everyone can afford to buy expensive wine, even for the most special of occasions. That is okay, because when you come right down to it, the majority of people actually can’t tell the difference between expensive wines and cheaper versions. If you are a wine merchant, it is better for you to try and promote the less expensive wines. This is because you are going to make a lot more money by selling in volume than you will if you only have a handful of customers who can afford the expensive stuff.

The Experiment

Each week, postdoctoral students at Harvard University carry out experiments and research, and they present their findings to other members of the Harvard Society of Fellows at a formal dinner. One of these experiments involved trying to figure out if people could tell the difference between cheap and expensive wines. The results showed that unless you are a wine connoisseur, you aren’t likely to notice much, if any difference in the quality and flavor of the various wines.

The authors of “Think Like a Freak”, a follow-up to the popular book, “Freakonomics,” is about the experience of authors Steven D. Levitt and Stephen J. Dubner, who created this experiment about wine and whether or not people can tell the difference between cheap and expensive wines. The experiment shows that you can easily save a lot of money on wine, because the people you serve it to aren’t likely to notice any difference.

The Results

“The results could not have been better for me. There was no significant difference in the rating across the four wines; the cheap wine did just as well as the expensive ones,” said Levitt.

Levitt said that he was surprised that the ratings were different between two different wines when the samples actually came from the same bottle. So, his experiment showed that most people can’t tell the difference between good wine and cheap wine, they also couldn’t even tell the difference between two samples of the same wine.

In the book, wine was portrayed as an essential part of the weekly Harvard Society of Fellows dinner, and the society has one heck of a wine cellar, with some of the most expensive wines you can imagine. Now, the majority of the Fellows consider themselves to be wine connoisseurs, and they all felt that that the only good wine is expensive wine. They were about to be challenged on this assumption.

So, what Levitt did was take two bottles of expensive wine from the wine cellar, as well as cheaper wines that are made from the same grapes. He had the Fellows taste four different cups of wine, two with the expensive brands, and two with the less expensive wines. Can you figure out what the result was? Yes, you guessed it. The Fellows were unable to tell the difference between what they considered to be fine wines with the less expensive counterparts. The findings have been detailed by Levitt on the Freakonomics blog.

Levitt and co-author Dubner will fully admit that this was in no way a true scientific experiment. But, they got some pretty interesting results, and these are results you can use to save money the next time you are hosting any type of event where wine is to be served. You can spend $15 on a bottle rather than $50, and most people are never going to know the difference. They are simply going to enjoy their wine, and not think about how much was actually spent on it (although they will like think you spent a fortune).

Featured photo credit: PortoBay Events via flickr.com

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The Best Is yet to Come: 6 Signs You Deserve to Be Treated Right

The pint of Ben & Jerry’s is gone; the Kleenex box is on its last tissue; the wine bottle beside your bed is empty; and you haven’t brushed your hair since the Clinton administration. Sound familiar?

We’ve all been there—on the dark side of a break-up so bad we doubt we’ll ever recover from it. Our hearts are sunk, and we’ve convinced ourselves that we’re hopeless and unworthy of true love.

It takes a while—and several thousand calories and a half-dozen of hangovers later—to realize that maybe, just maybe, we’re not the problem: the real dilemma is the person we’ve been dating.

Swagger is sexy. It’s a turn-on, really, to see a “bad boy” order a drink at the bar with the confidence of the Marlboro Man or a knockout in a red dress knock out the self-assurance of a man at a cocktail party with a mere look.

They’re daring, provocative, and sensual—so much so you’re at first willing to overlook the way they mistreat you. It could be something as innocuous as her forgetting to remember that you don’t eat chives to something as insidious as him calling you only on Saturday nights after the bars have closed down. With time, and with more and more disappointments, you realize you’re back in the territory you know so well you don’t even need a roadmap: you’re in an unfulfilling relationship.

But then, when the tears have dried and you’ve removed all evidence of your fling from your Facebook page, someone so wonderful and compassionate comes along that you’re stunned speechless, and you’re reminded of the words of Mark Twain when he said, “Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option.”

This new man makes dates with you a week in advance. She surprises you with a weekend getaway when you finally receive that promotion. You have long, passionate discussions about everything from politics to your pasts.

It may be too soon to start naming your children together, but what this person does for your health and happiness is nothing short of magical: they tear you out of your dreary landscape and show you a new, refreshing reality—the place where you belong.

And it is there that you have the chance to see seven of the signs that reveal you deserve to be treated right.

1. You’re tired of being a doormat.

When you’re self-esteem is low, it’s easy to fall into the trap of being present for someone when they need you—even if they’re MIA during your most desperate moments. You want to feel empowered and respected, not bullied into “meeting up” when it’s convenient for them—and the difference between the two is vast. When the latter starts becoming your modus operandi, you realize that you’re worth so much more than an offhand phone chat or date when he or she requests it, often at the last minute. You, exactly how you are, merit a home-cooked meal, a vase of flowers, a call wishing you luck on a stressful day. You’re neither a doormat nor a wallflower, but someone richly deserving of time, attention, empathy, and love.

2. You know the old adage is true: beauty is only skin deep.

Players and man eaters are notoriously good looking. They dress well, sport fresh pedicures, and have their hair professionally cut. But what happens when the clothes come off, the polish chips, and the wind blows their hair out of place? Who is the person underneath? If they’re dull-witted, insolent, narcissistic, unsympathetic, slovenly, and mean to your cat. It doesn’t matter if their shirt is from Prada, they modeled in their teens, or drive a Lexus—sexual attraction has a shelf life. Your charm and value—as well as theirs—exists beneath your physicality, and you’re determined to be treated as such.

3. You’re meet-their-parents worthy.

Your Aunt Bea is convinced you’re gay. You overhear your dad say that you’ll turn into a spinster with seven cats if you keep up this behavior. Your sister calls you a man-slut. You envy the foursome at the table next to you, where the eager young man is discussing what Christmas is like in Australia to his beautiful fiancé’s father. And then it hits you: the person you’re “dating” would fit in with your family like Morticia would mesh with the Cleavers. He would start talking to your dad, who is staunchly liberal, about Trump’s “promise.” She would try to drink your Uncle Fred under the table, and mistake the olive oil for wine. In your mind, your Mr. or Mrs. Right (even if it’s only Right Now) would open the door for your mom and not give your sister’s cleavage a first, let alone second, glance. She would cheer on the Saints with your dad and push your nephew in his swing.

The point being: we aren’t that unlike our families, however hard we try to resist it. What they like, we like; what they see as disconcerting, we should see as well—even more so. You know you’re meet-their-parents worthy, and if your partner fails to see it? It’s time to show them the door.

4. You’re starting to forget the name you were christened with.

The men and women you’ve been dating have a variety of “pet” names that aren’t cuddly whatsoever because they are, let’s admit it, so clichéd their meanings are lost in obscurity. You’re Hun. Baby Girl. Dude. Darling. Sweetheart. Bae. All of these nicknames hint at what’s likely a larger problem: you’re one of many men or women in their lives, and they’re having a tough time keeping your first and last names straight. (A problem made all the more difficult if, my word!, one of you isn’t on social media.)

You’re beginning to recall the pleasure of the person you’re intimate with addressing you properly, even, dare I say, asking and remembering your middle name. Seriously: call out “blondie” in a packed restaurant and 50% of the clientele will probably swivel their heads. Now, Paige Monroe? Bradley McAllister? How nice is that?

5. You honor loyalty and candor.

Dating an adult man who can’t hold down a job or seeing a woman who is known around town as Miss Promiscuous requires a certain level of, um, discretion. You have to tell your BFF that you’re going to the gym when He calls because god forbid you’re giving him a twenty-second chance. You have to tell your surfing buddy you’re on a deadline because he’s dating Her too.

You have to tell yourself that you’re suffering from temporary insanity and that it’s good to feel like a naughty teen again even if you can’t remember the last time he or she actually treated you with an iota of respect. It’s getting boring, strenuous, and straight-up time consuming coming up with lies—white or not—to cover up for your absences and I-feel-so-used mornings. You acknowledge, and absorb, that in truth there is beauty, and want someone who has a similar moral compass—one who chooses kindness over impulses, diligence over laziness, principle over pleasure.

6. You love yourself, with or without a partner.

When the baes and handsomes have been inevitably replaced with vengeful and defamatory name-calling, you start to believe it. Think of it as knowledge through repetition, or, in clinical terms, emotional abuse. And, like an ill-treated dog, you start bowing your eyes and sleeping alone in the bushes, hoping someone will come around with a bowl of food and a rub on your rump.

Whether or not that happens, through time, wisdom, self-empowerment, and the introduction to someone who treats you well, you begin realizing what those who truly love and respect you always knew: you’re downright fabulous. You may not be a princess, you may not be President of the United States (or even the bank at which you work), but your positive qualities far outweigh your flaws. And the right person—that person you genuinely adore and admire—will reinforce that you shouldn’t just like yourself, whether or not you’re alone, but deserve to love yourself with all your might.

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This Is What Happens When You Disconnect For 24 Hours

Death_to_stock_photography_Vibrant (7 of 10)

If you’re like me, you know it’s hard as anything, un-tethering yourself from your smartphone, iPad and laptop – first at work and then at home. Frankly, to disconnect can be tough as withdrawal (not kidding, folks).

But hey, you know it’s hurting your relationships at home and work. People have told you to your face to stop. But you just can’t. There’s always something pulling you toward that Facebook feed, that Pinterest board, then CNN for news, then TMZ (ok, you’re on your own, if that’s the case). Then once again, a vicious cycle.

Today’s the day. You have decided to “forget” your phone and other electronics, leave them be and see what happens.

It isn’t easy, let me tell you, but the best thing that has happened to me since I started roughly 7 years ago. It gives me back a solid, memorable block of time with family and friends, to reconnect, reflect, recharge, restore my “default setting,” if you will. You see, when I was 25, I started keeping Sabbath – the Jewish Sabbath, in my case. Since then, it’s literally my religion to turn off my phone and all devices from sundown on Friday for 25 hours.

Here’s what I’ve learned.

1. Your mind will start to clear up from a fog.

Perhaps you can’t remember that last time you found yourself without a working phone or Wifi. Perhaps it was during a hike upstate, up in a plane somewhere or after drowning your iPhone. Sadly, it felt like wasted time. In fact, it was a golden opportunity you missed to rest, to write, reflect, to change things up, to feel more human.

Between the pull of business and the personal, between e-mail and fear of missing out, I’ll be the first to call myself a smartphone addict. However, when that sundown hits on Friday, I turn on “Do Not Disturb” and put the phone away. The endless whirl of tasks and people wanting my attention ceases. The constant pressure of my fear of wasting time begins to lift. My mind and thoughts turn to the Sabbath table, spending time with family. The simple act of eating – and enjoying dinner – with my wife and daughter, sometimes friends is wonderful and human and refreshing. Wine flows, we eat amazing food. Nobody’s in a rush somewhere. When someone asks you how you are, you really take the time to think, reflect and answer thoughtfully. You start remembering just how important family is, how precious your time is with them and friends.

2. You’ll get to infuse your life with novelty again.

The week is all about the auto-pilot. Wake up, then brush your teeth, jump in the subway, get to work, check email, send your updates, then have lunch, back out for coffee around 3 PM, then home at 5 (or later). Once you get home, its not long until you go to bed! And in between, you sneak in Facebook, Pinterest (and TMZ, G-d help you).

Saturday morning, I wake up whenever, no alarm. I spend the best time with my family, eating breakfast, catching up, playing with my daughter, reading a book I’ve long abandoned, a new magazine.

We see the people that we really like – people that like us back, invite us over often, plus new faces. One family gave birth this week, a son. Another’s kid is now engaged. Somebody else got honored at their job. We celebrate the good, reflect on bad things happening and try to make sense of them, leaving with actionable wisdom we can use throughout the week and year. We take a walk. There is a gorgeous garden on the way back home. Imagine everything you are missing in the world around you!

3. You’ll notice your senses will revive.

Being busy is easy throughout the week. The weekend can be packed, as well, visiting bars and restaurants, flea markets, brunch, whatever. That pull of being connected is still there. You still can’t focus on the awesome dish you ordered – here’s a text! The wine’s aroma is not quite the same – Mom’s calling!

The simple fact of being away from my devices makes me pause and focus on the food and drink and people right before me, their ideas, my own. I stop, reflect, try to make sense of all the madness going on around me. It puts the busy-ness to rest. Because I can’t be bothered by an email or call or buzz or ring, I start remembering the times when I was young and unconnected. This brings me back to NOW, not the next thing today, tomorrow or next week or month. I like the smell of coffee, tossing an idea around, maybe to read a book together with my daughter, horse around with funny faces, sounds, language constructions or whatever else just comes to mind.

4. You’ll see that time will start to slow down.

The Sabbath is no longer than another day. But when you step away and don’t let others push their emails and demands on you, the time just stretches.

Taking a day off from the rat race – and its long tentacles through technology – brings me back to my original, childhood state for a day. I can laugh and read books I like and have long conversations about things that are really interesting to me without feeling guilty that I’m wasting precious time. I pack so much into those daylight hours on Friday night and Saturday that it makes me wonder why the weekdays seem so short, in comparison.

5. You’ll have a fuller and more meaningful because of rest.

I can’t emphasize how critical taking one day off is for having a productive week. The rest of the week is that much more filled and productive because I can’t work and move things forward (except in my mind) on the Sabbath.

Since I’ve started keeping the Sabbath, the paradigm has flipped on its head. I don’t do Sabbath to make for a more fulfilling week. I do a fulfilling week so I can do the Sabbath properly. Because there’s seemingly less time when I have to take off a day, it makes me more eager to accomplish more during the rest of week and I do!

6. You’ll forget the week’s stresses.

Hello, sleep! Byebye, red, tired eyes. Byebye, ADD. Byebye, guilt. Today, I rest and all of life’s stresses can go fly a kite. Maybe I’ll go fly a kite, myself!

In all seriousness, just taking a nap in the middle of the day after lunch can totally change your week by letting you catch up from those nights with too little sleep. It will really, truly recharge your batteries and give you amazing energy to tackle whatever your issues are with a renewed strength and resolve.

7. You’ll regain purpose in life and remember the reasons why you’re working like a dog through the rest of the week.

It’s not just for your career advancement, more money, more recognition, more stuff you can buy. It’s for your family, for humanity, for your growth and development as a human being. You have a mission in life – to improve the human condition in your particular, unique way. You want great experiences in your life, not just more stuff. A day off from the pressures of the outside world helps you to return to your roots as a human being – not just a cog in some machine.

8. You’ll have a chance to stop and understand what you’re doing wrong.

Without distractions from work or friends and family, you have a rare chance to do some soul-searching and understand what needs fixing. The acknowledgement and calling a spade, a spade is the first step to lasting change for the better.

How many times did I have a really bad week and then because of the Sabbath mindset, found a way to move the needle forward on one problem or another? Simply changing my routine a day often uncovered novel solutions or ideas from people I met or a new book or article I read – because I had time and opportunity for it. Breaking my routine and seeing my problems in a different light has been invaluable to transforming myself for the better.

9. You’ll notice improvement in physical and mental health.

Taking the time to cook dinner properly, being surrounded by people you love, ample sleep and real stress relief all have a measurable positive effect on your physical health and mental well-being. Unplugging helps me keep my sanity, focus better, get more down time, plus good food and time with people I enjoy. The rest is commentary.

10. You’ll be more likely to get to work on improving yourself.

This has a tangible difference in pushing you forward after the time you’ve had to rest, reflect and come in contact with new ideas, people and strategies for improvement. You’ll be like a lion rearing to go because you won’t want to go back to being the same person you were a day before. This is how you change things for the better, week after week, regardless of whatever setbacks the week brought you.

Featured photo credit: Death to the Stock Photo via deathtothestockphoto.us5.list-manage2.com

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