Quando procuro o que há de fundamental em mim, é o gosto da felicidade que eu encontro
@notiun
domingo, outubro 11, 2015
Marx, Groucho
Eu, e não os acontecimentos, têm o poder de me fazerem sentir feliz ou infeliz hoje. Eu posso escolher como é que quero estar. O ontem está morto, o amanhã ainda não chegou. Eu tenho apenas este dia, o de hoje, e vou ser feliz enquanto este decorrer.
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Madre Teresa de Calcutá
Não devemos permitir que alguém saia da nossa presença sem se sentir melhor e mais feliz
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Greene, Graham
Amar, é ver-se como um outro ser nos vê, é estar apaixonado pela nossa imagem deformada e sublimada
via @notiun
via @notiun
Lispector, Clarice
Tema: Amor
Sempre me restará amar. Escrever é alguma coisa extremamente forte mas que pode me trair e me abandonar: posso um dia sentir que já escrevi o que é o meu lote neste mundo e que eu devo aprender também a parar. Em escrever eu não tenho nenhuma garantia. Ao passo que amar eu posso até à hora de morrer. Amar não acaba. É como se o mundo estivesse à minha espera. E eu vou ao encontro do que me espera.
via @notiun
Sempre me restará amar. Escrever é alguma coisa extremamente forte mas que pode me trair e me abandonar: posso um dia sentir que já escrevi o que é o meu lote neste mundo e que eu devo aprender também a parar. Em escrever eu não tenho nenhuma garantia. Ao passo que amar eu posso até à hora de morrer. Amar não acaba. É como se o mundo estivesse à minha espera. E eu vou ao encontro do que me espera.
via @notiun
Soljenitsyne, Alexander
Tema: Povo
Indubitavelmente o povo tem direito ao poder, mas o que o povo quer não é o poder, e sim, antes de tudo, uma ordem estável
via @notiun
Indubitavelmente o povo tem direito ao poder, mas o que o povo quer não é o poder, e sim, antes de tudo, uma ordem estável
via @notiun
Time for a Comeback: 6 Carbs You’ll Want in Your Diet
As early as 1972, Robert J. Atkins’ food plan suggested limiting carbohydrates in favor of proteins and fats as a way to lose weight. More recently, the popular paleo trend has promoted the health benefits of returning to the diet of our hunter-gather ancestors. However, a new study from The Quarterly Review of Biology suggests that complex carbohydrates played a crucial role in the development of the human brain. The findings suggest that we have been too quick to slash carbs from our grocery lists.
In today’s gluten-free world, many nutrient-rich starches have disappeared from the carts of health-conscious shoppers. As a result, diets today are missing the vitamins, minerals, antioxidants, and nutritional values that cannot always be recuperated with artificial supplements.
Here is a list of six carbohydrates that deserve a spot in your weekly rotation:
1. Purple Potatoes: not your average spud
This more vibrant cousin to the white potato packs a serious punch of antioxidants. When steamed or boiled, they can protect against free radicals. Plus, studies have shown that the high levels of potassium found in purple potatoes can reduce blood pressure.
Dr. Joe Vinson from the University of Scranton hopes to bring them back into favor. “Mention ‘potato’ and people think ‘fattening, high carbs, empty calories.’ In reality, when prepared without frying and served without butter, margarine, or sour cream, one potato has only 110 calories and dozens of healthful phytochemicals and vitamins.”
2. It’s a seed, not a grain, it’s buckwheat!
This fruit seed is often mistaken for a grain since it is commonly used as a healthy, gluten-free substitute to flour. Popular uses of buckwheat include French galettes and soba noodles, both wholesome alternatives to wheat-based batters or pastas.
“Buckwheat is loaded with health benefits… it is a great source of heart-healthy fiber, which helps keep you full longer. It also provides hunger-satisfying protein without any of the cholesterol or saturated fat that animal protein contains. Plus, it offers eight essential amino acids, making this complete protein a smart nutritional choice for vegetarians,” says Elaine Gordon, a master-certified health education specialist.
3. The return of Quaker’s Oats
While often paired with rich ingredients like honey, brown sugar and cream, oats are an important addition to your diet given their content of soluble fiber. Beneficial side effects of increased oats intake, according to The Whole Grain Council, include lowering bad cholesterol, reducing the risk of Type 2 Diabetes and controlling blood pressure.
Most recently, oats have made a big comeback as a healthy breakfast that is simple to prepare and a wonderful alternative to sugary cereals.
4. Farro, it’s not just an ancient king in Egypt
A wonderful alternative to pasta, Farro is an ancient Etruscan grain that is chock-full of nutrients like vitamins B and E as well as fiber. A study from Harvard Medical School notes that vitamin E “acts as an antioxidant, neutralizing unstable molecules that can damage cells. Protects vitamin A and certain lipids from damage. Diets rich in vitamin E may help prevent Alzheimer’s disease.”
For a heartier meal, try adding farro to your regular soup or salad recipes. Or, create a healthy dessert by adding warmed fruit and honey to the cooked grain.
5. Change up your bean routine
Despite being a carbohydrate, kidney beans can actually help you lose weight given their high levels of soluble fiber. Beans and legumes are harder to digest which can suppress appetite. The iron content in kidney beans is a bonus too. Daniel Pendick, executive editor of Harvard Men’s Health writes, “one-quarter of the world’s population is anemic, meaning they don’t get enough iron to produce the red blood cells and oxygen-carrying hemoglobin needed to nourish their myriad cells.” A diet of iron-rich foods, however, is the best way to combat deficiency.
Get creative with kidney beans as you would with black beans. They can be used for more than chili and soups. Try adding an extra dose of iron and protein to salads or sauces.
6. Fill up on fiber with butternut squash
Butternut squash contains high levels of Vitamins A and C. Jessica Kovarick, a licensed and registered dietician says, “Beta carotene imparts the orange-yellow color of butternut squash. In the body, beta-carotene is converted to vitamin A, which helps maintain eye health. Vitamin A, a fat-soluble vitamin, also is important in maintaining healthy mucous membranes and other soft tissues, and it plays a role in promoting healthy skin.” Of course, if that is not enough, this healthy carb’s fiber content aids digestion and its high levels of potassium maintain heart health.
Butternut squash is delicious when simply roasted in olive oil and garnished with salt and pepper. If you are looking for a prepare-ahead meal, try making soup and stock your fridge or freezer for Fall and Winter meals.
The Verdict: Eradication is extreme
While it is not recommended to start reaching for white bread and plain pasta, there are benefits to adding nutrient-rich carbohydrates back into your shopping basket. Often, understanding the vitamins found in the groceries you buy can greatly improve your overall diet, health and happiness.
Whether you are gluten-free, paleo or in search of the next big trend, the message is clear: some carbohydrates are just too good to pass up.
Featured photo credit: Melissa’s Produce, mylifeisdelicious, vegancoconutzone, Jason Sani, helloantioxidants, Barley Swine via Instagram
Featured photo credit: Cutting Bread by dinner series via flickr.com
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5 Lessons for People Wasting Time in an Unhappy Marriage
When you are in an unhappy marriage, you may tell yourself certain things, using them as an excuse to stay because you are scared. Such myths may include, “I have put too much time into this marriage for it to end,” or “I have sacrificed way too much and invested way too much time into this relationship. I’m not just going to walk away from it.” Viewing your marriage as a time investment, when that relationship is no longer a healthy or loving one, serves no purpose but to prolong your suffering. If you find yourself in this situation, there are five lessons you must embrace so that you can give yourself the chance to move on.
1. Quit viewing your years of marriage as some sort of investment. It’s not.
The time you have put into your marriage is not a non-refundable down payment, so do not treat it like one. When people justify staying in an unhappy marriage, they usually justify it through the lens of time spent, not through the lens of actually being healthy and happy. In a healthy and happy marriage, time spent together is beneficial– you have good memories, the joys of building a family, and more comfortable living. But once the marriage unravels, you cannot invoke those years spent as a justification to stay in a relationship, especially when the relationship has broken down and both partners are no longer invested in it.
2. Accept that you deserve better. Do not treat your life and happiness like a faceless commodity.
Unless you are learning to play the piano, you are an athlete who must train 8 hours a day to keep in form, or you are hand-painting the Sistine Chapel, erase this false narrative that time put in = a guaranteed return. You deserve more than that. You deserve better than just seeing yourself, your relationship, and your life as as commodity subject to negotiation. When you view your marriage as merely an investment of time, and use that time as a justification for staying in something that is no longer healthy, you only hurt and demean yourself.
3. Those married years taught you a lot, but they don’t owe you anything.
This lesson is not meant to sound harsh. Most of us have some wonderful memories from our marriage, and it is important to acknowledge those good times. They gave us happiness and helped us grow. Yet be cautious of your selective memory. You must also recognize that the years in between those memories–the not-so-good-ones– are not collateral and an excuse to remain in a marriage that is no longer working. You may have been married 5, 10, or 20 years, and made sacrifices during that time. You may think that you are owed something because of those unhappy years. But to treat those sacrifices and unhappy years as a bargaining tool, thinking it entitles you to happiness, gets you nowhere.
You must think of those married years as experience; you were taught about relationships, families, and about who you are because of that time in the partnership. Be grateful for those lessons, but do not attempt to use them as a bargaining tool to remain in a marriage that is no longer sustainable. To do so denies you the opportunity to move on.
4. You may be using the time myth to stay in an unhappy marriage because you’re scared. And that’s okay.
The time you put into a relationship, even if you or your spouse is no longer happy, was at least time in which you were comfortable, and your life, for the most part, was predictable. The end of that relationship signifies an end to the vision of life you had planned for yourself—the illusion of normalcy that assured you that you were like everybody else. You may be afraid to start over, afraid to go “back to the beginning”—whatever that means—because you think you are too old, too financially unstable, or too emotionally distraught to do so.
Give yourself more credit than that—recognize that you are smarter, more organized, more adaptable, and a hell of a lot stronger than you can even imagine.
It’s okay to feel scared about starting over. The fear is what makes you human, but it’s the courage to give yourself another shot at happiness that makes you truly remarkable. Overcome the wavering and excuses of “I have put so much time into this marriage” and get past that fear and bargaining and you will get that second chance at life.
5. Time invested does not equal happiness. But you can find happiness on your own.
As heartbreaking as it is, sometimes marriages run their course, regardless of the years of effort and sacrifice you invested. It’s okay to move on, okay to start over, and okay to find happiness on your own terms.
But here is where time spent does become your responsibility. As you start or continue to make a new life for yourself, you are given a choice about time. You may choose to spend it angry, bitter, or heartbroken about the end of your marriage, or you may choose to invest time in yourself and your own happiness. You are not destined to live a life of hurt and misery because you are separating or divorcing. However, you can be destined for greatness and the opportunity to move on and become stronger, more compassionate, and a happier person. And putting your energy into that happiness is time well spent.
Featured photo credit: Wife and Husband/Roland Tanglao via flickr.com
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8 Careers for Video Game Enthusiasts
The video game industry has come a long way since the days of Pong and Duck Hunt. What was once an industry aimed almost exclusively toward children and teenagers has evolved into a multi-billion dollar entity comparable at times to the movie and television industry. The old mainstay that video gamers are just grown-ups who refuse to put away childish things has been completely obliterated by the fact that millions of successful adults across the globe consider themselves hardcore gaming fanatics. Furthermore, many children who grew up with a love of gaming ended up pursuing a career within the industry, proving nagging parents across the world wrong once more. If you have the talent, passion, and drive to dedicate your life to video games, you might find yourself working as a:
Video Game Artist
Remember when your teacher used to tell you to put away your sketchbook full of awesome cartoons and characters? Take it back out immediately. Every video game needs talented artists to bring the designer’s ideas to life by creating vivid characters and environments from scratch. Game artists also must be able to animate their creations in a life-like manner if they wish to immerse their audience in the world they’ve created. Harnessing your artistic talents to create video game characters can net you around $50,000 yearly.
Audio Programmer
Audio engineers are responsible for recording a game’s music, sound effects, and voice overs. While this may have been a fairly simply task back in the days of the original Super Mario Bros., nowadays video games include fully orchestrated soundtracks and A-list celebrity character roles, so it’s no easy feat. Audio programmers work tirelessly to create the perfect ambiance throughout a gaming experience. Some of the most accomplished audio programmers can pull in over $100,000 yearly for their work.
Writer
Another position which used to be fairly straightforward, writing for video games has become much more complex throughout the years. Today, video game scripts can be thousands of pages long; and the lines aren’t cookie-cutter, off-the-cuff remarks, either. Writers have to create dynamic characters that react uniquely in different situations while staying true to the essence of their personality. They also are responsible for all of the documentation that comes with a game, such as instruction manuals and in-game menus. The best video game writers in the industry can earn up to a $200,000 salary if their game ends up being successful.
Game Programmer
If you have a knack for coding, as well as a love for video games, you might do well as a gaming programmer. You’ll work to improve upon previously created engines to enhance gameplay through a variety of facets. While the artists have created the characters and their animations, you’ll be ensuring that the characters are playable and controllable. You’ll also create the artificial intelligence that makes interacting with non-playable characters as realistic as possible. If you’re able to make a designers ideas come to life through a computer screen, you could earn a salary of around $95,000.
Game Designer
Maybe you’re not an artist and you don’t have much experience with computer coding, but you’ve had an amazing idea for a video game ever since you were a child. As a designer, your job is to assemble a creative team that can handle all the specialty work and make your dream game a reality. You’ll describe the characters, the environment, and the overall purpose of the game, and guide your team as they work their magic. As I mentioned in the intro, game design is becoming increasingly complex; you’ll need a college education to get started. But you’ll quickly be reimbursed by the hefty salary you could end up earning.
Game Producer
As a producer, you’ll put your love of video games in the spotlight. While you’ll definitely have to deal with boring office-related work like budgeting and project management, you’ll also be tasked with promoting your game to the “powers that be” within the gaming industry, as well as the most important people in the industry: the fans. Successful producers can make anywhere from $50,000 to over $100,000 depending on their experience and abilities.
Game Tester
Woo! You actually get to play the game rather than design it! Sounds great, right? Well, it’s really not all fun and games. Think back to your teenage days of working in an ice cream parlor; I bet you never chose ice cream for dessert on your time off, right? Unfortunately, being a game tester is less “having fun playing games all day” and more “inching your way around the environment, taking notes on whether or not you found a glitch in the system.” In it’s simplest terms, imagine having to “play” a level of Super Mario, jumping ten times in one spot, moving forward an inch, jumping ten more times, moving forward again…you get the idea. You won’t make much money, but at least you’ll be doing your part in the industry!
Professional Gamer
But you definitely can make some major cash playing video games for a living. Of course, you either have to be incredibly talented or extremely entertaining to make it big. Creating Let’s Play videos has left some gamers with more money than they know what to do with. Competitive gamers can also earn hundreds of thousands of dollars through sponsored tournament winnings. So the next time your mom yells at you for all the Dorito crumbs and Mountain Dew stains on your couch cushions, show her this article to get her off your back…maybe.
Featured photo credit: rachel takes a break from playing video games with nick – _MG_3350 / sean dreilinger via farm4.staticflickr.com
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Top 18 Herbs that Promote Long Life
Of the hundreds of edible herbs, there are several that can be categorized as “life prolonging.” While some of the better known herbs have a reputation for boosting the digestive or immune system, or for helping people become more mentally alert or have better vision, there are some powerful herbs that specifically work to prevent serious diseases and illnesses, particularly in the area of heart health and overall cardiovascular fitness.
A general review of the medical evidence to support claims made for herbs was published in WebMD. It discussed many of the ways in which herbs help aid practically every known component of the human body, from cardio health to brain function. Keep in mind that many herbs have been around for more than a thousand years as remedies for common ailments. Garlic and Echinacea are just two examples of herbs that have a long, rich history as healing agents.
Any herbal plant that is able to make the heart work better or just achieve a better state of health can indeed prolong a person’s life. Heart attacks are one of the most common causes of death in industrialized nations. Likewise, herbs that work to boost the immune system can keep the body generally more healthy and go a long way toward increasing longevity. Here is a brief outline of the 18 best-known herbs that can help add years to a person’s life, either through better heart health or by addressing serious illnesses and the immune system. The name of each herb is followed by a short description of its medical effects:
1. Garlic
Garlic has been used for decades to help control high blood pressure and to prevent heart disease. In addition, some people use it because of its bacteria-killing properties and suspected role as a way to prevent certain types of cancer.
2. Hawthorn
This herb works to bring on lower blood pressure, reduce heart rate and open the arteries. It is reported that hawthorn takes several months before the benefits become apparent.
3. Guggul
A cholesterol-specific herb that chemically reduces “bad cholesterol” even before it is able to reach the blood.
4. Horse chestnut
This age-old remedy, long popular in Europe, strengthens veins and capillaries, thus reducing swelling. Healthier veins are an all-around form of protection against a wide array of heart ailments.
5. Cinnamon
This tasty little herb is known to strengthen the circulatory system in various ways, primarily by reducing high blood-sugar levels and controlling cholesterol.
6. Dandelion
Long beloved in the West for its use in a home-brewed wine, dandelion is an effective way to get blood pressure under control. The chemical mechanism by which this process works is intriguing: Dandelion actually reduces the amount of blood in the body, thus cutting down on overall blood pressure.
7. Angelica root
People who have weak hearts often take angelica root as a remedy. For centuries, this oddly named root has built a reputation as a general strengthener of the circulatory system and especially the heart itself.
8. Coriander
Working much the same way as angelica root, coriander is another herb that works in numerous ways, and through several chemical processes, to energize and empower the human cardiovascular system.
9. Cayenne
This well known herb is often used to slow the rate of bleeding in accident victims. It also works by making blood vessels more elastic. As a result, cayenne is an effective agent for establishing normal blood pressure.
10. Motherwort
This herb has been around for centuries, though only today are scientists learning how it works. It contains a rare alkaloid by the name of leonurine, which directly relaxes the heart muscles when taken in therapeutic doses.
11. Gynostemma
An effective herb for healing wounds and making the heart stronger. It also affects the entire circulatory system in beneficial ways.
12. Echinacea
An internationally popular way to fight infections, eliminate dangerous bacteria, and bolster the immune system. Echinacea is one of the best-selling herbal supplements in retails stores in the U.S. and Europe.
13. Astragalus
Popular among the ancient inhabitants of China, this herb is a powerful agent that helps strengthen the immune system.
14. Elderberry
Contagious influenza is a serious global problem, especially in underdeveloped nations. Elderberry helps prevent the flu and is an effective way to prevent its spread within large populations.
15. Andrographis
Okay, perhaps not a life or death issue, but this hard-to-pronounce herb is a powerful cold remedy.
16. Kelp
An ancient remedy for infections of various kinds, kelp is one of the most commonly consumed herbs on earth, especially in Asia. The secret to its power is high iodine content.
17. Yucca Root
Arthritis sufferers have long known the relief provided by this root with the strange-sounding name.
18. Nettle
Arthritis and hay fever, as well as anemia, are the primary maladies treated with nettle.
What about tea?
Tea is in an in-between category with respect to its categorization as both an herb and a spice. Because many teas are fermented during processing, they can be considered spices. But because the leaf is the part of the tea plant we use, some consider it to be an herb. Because drinks like matcha tea use the entire leaf of the tea plant, they are perhaps more commonly thought of as herbs, rather than spices, which tend to come from parts of a plant other than the leaves.
Herbs have been in existence longer than humans, and these ancient plants provide much more than a source of food flavoring. It is thought that some of the earliest human communities consumed herbs and drinks made from them to treat various ailments. Now, medical science is taking a closer look at the exact chemical processes that make particular plants and herbs virtual healers among the earth’s flora.
Whatever one’s specific reason for taking herbs, one of the most important is the prolonging of human life. Herbs play a vital role in the life of our species and will likely continue to do so for as long as human beings roam the planet.
Featured photo credit: Herbs/Hornet Arts via flickr.com
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8 Reasons You Should Make Friends With Blunt People
There is a piece of bluntness in every one of us. The truth is that many of us do know what is right and wrong, but many do prefer to mask how they feel or who they are because of societal perceptions, sentiments or because they are simply afraid. What distinguishes this in regards to blunt people, though, is that blunt people are expressive and are not pretentious about who they are.
They are not consumed or subjugated by what others think of them, rather about a clear perception about what should be right and wrong. Having such a person as a friend means purity, honesty and clarity. You are not afraid to look over your shoulder because you know that they would tell you what is behind before you ask about it.
1. They don’t flatter you; they just tell you the way it is
They are the best people to give you an honest opinion about anything you ask them. They really wouldn’t sugarcoat a fact just to appease you, because they’re blunt. And they really are not worried about the consequences of telling you the truth.
The most important thing to them or to their identity is being blunt and telling you a direct and honest truth.
2. They are not afraid
They are bold. They are courageous and fearless. And these noble qualities are qualities you should not only admire in others but would want to have around you. If such a person is in your life, it will certainly instill some confidence and inner strength in you to face your fears.
3. They do not want to hurt a relationship with you
There is nothing devious about them, although many may consider being blunt as being rude. This is not the case though, as blunt people are not mischievous or purposely critical. They are actually looking out for your own interest. And if they find that they have crossed the line in a relationship, they are willing to take responsibility, step up and accept their errors.
4. They are blunt enough to tell you they are sorry
Not every friend is quick to offer apologies or acknowledge their mistakes. Blunt people know that they are susceptible to being considered wrong others because of their bluntness. And they are willing to apologize if at any time they know that they have hurt your feelings.
5. They know what right and wrong means
Blunt people have high moral standards. They know what should be done and what should not be done. They are not pretentious about it, but instead they simply want to do what is right and hold no guilt over it.
They wouldn’t allow such sentiments of being acceptable to everyone cloud their judgments or the decisions they make.
6. They are fun to be with
Blunt people like to make you laugh and they’re interesting and exciting. Somehow, being blunt gives them a sense of humor and a reason to make others laugh about their errors and mistakes. They can define their world and yours with all bluntness, and let you see that the way things are should not be taken too seriously after all.
7. They can forgive
Just as much as they can apologize for their misdeeds, they can also forgive too. Blunt individuals don’t hold grudges for too long and are pretty honest about how they feel and if they do not feel right about how a relationship is going, they will let you know.
However they do not have so many reasons to hold resentments or grudges.
8. They respect your views
Because they are blunt doesn’t mean they would impose their views or way of life on you. They do know the grey areas and after they have given you a piece of their mind they will likely step back for you to make your own decisions.
They are only there to tell you the way it is – straight and simple. And at least you’ll know where they stand and where you stand with them.
Featured photo credit: http://www.pixabay.com via pixabay.com
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The Real Life “Benjamin Button” Imparts Wisdom in a TED Talk
One of the more difficult things that I have had to accept in life is mortality. The thought that I have only a limited time on this Earth terrifies me. As I am getting older, and I am seeing the white hairs come out as my body is changing, I am overcome with terror. I am getting older, I’m almost 40 years old! Hopefully, this process comes with wisdom.
What do you deal with in life? When you are stressing out over simple things, do you ever stop and think about how amazing you really are? Do you take a moment to appreciate your body and all of the things that it can do?
A video like this one by Sam Burns where he talks about living with progeria really helps people like me to get a grip. The perspective Sam provides in his TED talk is outstanding! Do you have to worry about an instrument being too heavy for you to be in a marching band? I know I don’t, so this forces me to ask myself some serious life questions. If Sam can live a happy life, then who I am to spend even one second complaining about trivial things such as mortality? His wisdom is worth paying attention to.
Have a watch of this video by this amazing young man, and you’ll see exactly what I’m talking about! You’ll walk away appreciating your life, that much more!
Featured photo credit: Mario Mancuso via flickr.com
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6 Misconceptions About Foster Kids That You Shouldn’t Have
Although I’ve never personally lived in foster care, I have two family members that did for several years of their lives. After seeing them grow up in those circumstances, I can somewhat relate to fostered children through the experiences they have lived through.
There are many unjustified stigmas and misconceptions about children in the foster care system. The current state of foster care in the U.S. highlights the fact that fostered youth enter the system through no fault of their own. They have been removed from their families due to abuse or neglect.
After placing yourself in their shoes, you’ll recognize that life is not all sunshine and rainbows for a child in foster care. The toxicity of unwarranted stigmas only adds to the struggles that fostered youth must face. These misconceptions are wildly inaccurate and disheartening. Here are some of the most common misconceptions about children in the foster care system.
1. Foster Care is Punishment For Delinquents
Many people incorrectly assume that foster children are a part of the system because they have a proven track record of being difficult to deal with, or only cause trouble. I experienced this attitude firsthand when a classmate of mine made the connection between chemists and those who manufacture hard drugs like meth (I can only imagine how this would have amplified if Breaking Bad existed at the time).
He then proceeded to make the distinction between meth heads ending up in jail, “just like troublemakers end up in Juvie or foster homes.”
His opinion is not only bothersome, but it is also wildly inaccurate. Foster kids are not delinquents, they are kids searching for a safe environment to live and grow in.
2. Foster Kids and Orphans Are Creepy or Scary
In 2009, the atrocity of a film, Orphan, hit theatres. Aside from the poor writing, sub-par filming techniques, and a predictable climax this movie managed to also project some toxic stigmas about children in foster care.
Orphan creates an eerie presence that’s centered around the idea that the adopted child, Esther, has a dark, creepy past. She is perceived to be evil in numerous ways. When it’s finally announced that Esther is actually not a child but in fact a murderous thirty-something year old, the film does nothing to clear up the stigmas it creates.
It’s certainly not surprising that this movie wasn’t received well, especially by those with ties to the social work or adoption community. “It must be difficult to love an adopted child as much as your own” was the film’s original tagline. The highly insensitive slogan was later replaced with the tagline “I don’t think Mommy likes me very much,” which is hardly considered an improvement.
In an article posted to The Daily Beast, author and mother of five orphaned children, Melissa Fay Greene, stated:
“The movie Orphan comes directly from this unexamined place in popular culture. Esther’s shadowy past includes Eastern Europe; she appears normal and sweet, but quickly turns violent and cruel, especially toward her mother. These are clichés. This is the baggage with which we saddle abandoned, orphaned, or disabled children given a fresh start at family life.”
3. Fostered Kids Are More Likely to Be Bullies
My nephews grew up in a less than ideal household surrounded by addiction and abuse. They faced the biggest struggles of their young lives just as they were entering school for the first time. School should have been a safe haven but instead it became a breeding ground for bullying. It’s hard to imagine what that must feel like, especially when forced to constantly relocate and start fresh at an unfamiliar school.
For whatever reason people assume that those in foster care are likely to be bullies. This is so far from the truth, it’s painful. In reality those facing instability, especially at a young age, are more prone to being bullied.
When a child stands out or is perceived to be different, the way they are seen by their peers can become convoluted. This often times results in irrational behavior that transitions into bullying. Furthermore, those in foster care typically have to move a lot and are always viewed as the ‘new kid’. The vicious cycle of bullying can become a regular occurrence, and that is troubling to say the least.
However, these cases of bullying do not always go unheard. They are all direct examples of why school counselors fulfill an important role within the education system.
4. Foster Kids Are Typically Minorities
It is widely assumed that minorities and foster care go hand-in-hand. While these two things may correlate, the facts point out that kids in foster care are racially and ethnically diverse.
According to recent data , approximately 42% of children in foster care are White, 26% are Black, 21% are Hispanic, and the remaining 9% are multiracial (6%), American Indian (2%), and Asian (1%).
5. Same Sex Couples Should Not Foster Children
This misconception that same sex couples are any less capable than other couples could not be more close-minded and false. Currently, only two states have any laws preventing same sex couples from becoming foster parents. Those two states are Utah and Nebraska. Ironically, gay marriage is 100% legal in those states. So where does the problem lie? Short answer, nowhere.
Same sex marriages have proven to be just as healthy as those deemed ‘traditional’. And the divorce rate of those deemed ‘non-traditional’ by some are actually significantly lower than marriages between a woman and a man.
In the LGBT Adoption Statistics section of their website, Lifelong Adoptions states: “In most states, whether gay adoption is legal is made on a case-by-case basis by a judge. However, there are 16 states that definitely allow joint gay adoptions (when a same-sex couple jointly petition for adoption): Arkansas, California, Colorado, Connecticut, D.C., Illinois, Indiana, Iowa, Maine, Massachusetts, Nevada, New Hampshire, New Jersey, New York, Oregon, Vermont, and Washington.”
The laws are changing, and if progress continues on the same track it won’t be long before there are very few or no limitations at all regarding same-sex foster parenting and adoption.
6. Abusive Cycles Will Always Run Full Circle
As humans, we strive to live functional, rewarding, and healthy lives. We learn from mistakes and from the ideals instilled in us by our parents or parental figures. This leads many to assume that people typically end up behaving similarly to the way they were raised. When it comes to foster kids, there is a misconception that since abusive or unhealthy behaviors may have once surrounded them, they will continue to be ingrained in their tendencies and behaviors for life.
The fact is that foster parents make a difference for these children. Turnaround is common, and it allows for mentoring and creates an environment that foster kids aren’t necessarily accustomed to. This results in children who are happy to feel a sense of security and are able to focus on betterment and moving forward.
So the next time you hear a shaming phrase related toward the foster care system or any related stigmas, politely nudge that person toward the truth. Let them know that these stigmas are unfair to the children who bear them, because they are in foster care by no fault of their own. They do not deserve to be looked down upon.
“Parenthood requires love, not DNA.”
-Anonymous
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